In Defense of BUSH
by Winston Smith, Tue Jan 31, 2006 at 07:42:01 PM EST
I have to defend the president and make it clear that I am adamantly opposed to creating animal-human hybrids. This idea surely is the result of liberal christmas-hating atheists and has no place in a god-fearing democracy. The sight of half-human half-animal hybrid creatures walking around the streets of our beloved land would, without doubt, be a sign of impending armagedon. It may be a cute thing at first, watching little boy-dolphins frolicking in the sea, and little wolf-cub girls chasing the cats, but soon they would grow up. And then what? They would probably want civil rights protections and access to the minimum wage. And it would give the phrase "hung like a horse" a whole new meaning.
I may be sounding like a Republican, but I will throw you liberal animal-hybrid activists a bone (no pun intended.) Technically, these "humanimals" would not be real people, and as such, they would not be protected by the soon to be instituted abortion laws. So, we would be able to abort them without going to jail. This may, in fact, help alleviate the impending abortion withdrawal all you liberals will soon be feeling.
That having been said, I am not opposed to human-plant hybrids, and I suspect these "humants" may be the solution to sending man (or whatever) to Mars.
The biggest challenge in sending people to Mars is supplies. It would be a journey of at least three years, back and forth, and that is a lot of oxygen canisters and tang to have to send all the way out there into space.
I suggest that humants are the answer to this problem. Wouldnt need no oxygen canisters cuz they would be able to produce oxygen by resperatazaliating carbon dioxide. And then they would fix that carbon into delicious plant foodstuffs, like grapes or mangos and stuff, which they could eat, plucking the produce right off their bodies. Now, all the whole crew couldnt actually be humants, because one of them has to actually land on Mars and set up the flag. And it would make the history books weird if they had to say that the first man to land on Mars was not really a human but a humant. So there has to be actually one real man, and I would say that person, in addition to having a green thumb, should be a Texan. Dont mexas Texas.
So the crew to Mars should probably about 6 golly gee giants (so long as they aint fags) and a Texas boy. The union address was really had some visionalizing, and Bush is great.