Baucus lays big steaming turd, Has-mat teams alerted
by WashStateBlue, Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 07:18:55 AM EDT
AP is reporting that Has-mat teams were called to the Dirksen Senate Building this morning, in response to phone calls from Senate staffers reporting "a foul and noxious odor" emanating from the Senate office of Montana Senator Max Baucus (D-CorporateSlut).
In response to the call, the DC police department's Has-Mat team smashed down the door of Baucus office, and found the Senator exiting from his private rest room in his inner office.
Baucus was reported to have stated "Guys, no worries, I have been backed-up for months eating a steady diet of rich fatty food provided by my ex-staffers who now work for the Industrial Health Care Complex. Talk about constipation. But, this morning, I finally pinched a loaf of epic proportions, and man, did that sucker reek!"
The Has-mat team, still in their class-one protection suits, were stunned that Baucus was not unconscious, or overcome by the fumes still wafting from his bathroom. They offered to sterilize the environment with caustic chemicals, but Baucus reportedly stated "Hey, don't waste your time. I am planning on dropping more bombers at a press conference today when I unveil my long awaited corporate health care give-away, er...plan, I meant my historic health care reform plan for the American People. You'll be able to smell that sucker for miles"
In response to Baucus announcement, DC police have put in place an Air Quality Alert, level 5, for a 10 mile radius around the Capital today.
Said a spokesman, "We are advising anyone without a strong constitution and anyone who is offended by big stinking piles to avoid the Baucus news conference this afternoon. Ambulances will be standing by to rush anyone overcome by the smell to the hospital, but we are worried that even with that drastic measure, this is likely to cause spontaneous vomiting for anyone except a paid lobbyist for the health care industry. And, those creeps live in a pile of stinking refuse, so they are simply conditioned to this kind of odor."