Baucus lays big steaming turd, Has-mat teams alerted

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090916/ap_o n_go_co/us_health_care_overhaul

AP is reporting that Has-mat teams were called to the Dirksen Senate Building this morning, in response to phone calls from Senate staffers reporting "a foul and noxious odor" emanating from the Senate office of Montana Senator Max Baucus (D-CorporateSlut).

In response to the call, the DC police department's Has-Mat team smashed down the door of Baucus office, and found the Senator exiting from his private rest room in his inner office.

Baucus was reported to have stated "Guys, no worries, I have been backed-up for months eating a steady diet of rich fatty food provided by my ex-staffers who now work for the Industrial Health Care Complex.  Talk about constipation. But, this morning, I finally pinched a loaf of epic proportions, and man, did that sucker reek!"

The Has-mat team, still in their class-one protection suits, were stunned that Baucus was not unconscious, or overcome by the fumes still wafting from his bathroom. They offered to sterilize the environment with caustic chemicals, but Baucus reportedly stated "Hey, don't waste your time. I am planning on dropping more bombers at a press conference today when I unveil my long awaited corporate health care give-away, er...plan, I meant my historic health care reform plan for the American People. You'll be able to smell that sucker for miles"

In response to Baucus announcement, DC police have put in place an Air Quality Alert, level 5, for a 10 mile radius around the Capital today.

Said a spokesman, "We are advising anyone without a strong constitution and anyone who is offended by big stinking piles to avoid the Baucus news conference this afternoon.  Ambulances will be standing by to rush anyone overcome by the smell to the hospital, but we are worried that even with that drastic measure, this is likely to cause spontaneous vomiting for anyone except a paid lobbyist for the health care industry. And, those creeps live in a pile of stinking refuse, so they are simply conditioned to this kind of odor."

Tags: Baucus, bi-partisan stink-fest, corporate give-aways (all tags)

Comments

5 Comments

The difference between Democrats & Republicans

If a Republican had dropped a steamer this bad, the Republican blogs would be praising it as the finest legislation known to man and government.

by Dracomicron 2009-09-16 08:55AM | 0 recs
Re: Baucus lays big steaming turd

Have you managed to look at it?  I can't get it from the Senate's website because I don't have anywhere near enough bandwidth for such a massive download.

by Jess81 2009-09-16 10:32AM | 0 recs
I haven't seen it...

...but Russ Feingold says that it comes up short on all of his criteria.  If Russ says that, I doubt I want to even bother.

Baucus says that he thinks that the bill can pass.  From what I'm hearing, I pretty well doubt it, since Republicans are never going to vote for anything that even hints at being reform.  Honestly, if the Republicans were smart, they'd all sign on to this relatively toothless bill immediately and make a big show of being pro reform, in an attempt to head off stronger legislation.  But they're not that smart.

by Dracomicron 2009-09-16 01:05PM | 0 recs
Re: I haven't seen it...

You actually frightened me with that second suggestion.

btw, I was just making a stupid pun with my post.

by Jess81 2009-09-16 07:07PM | 0 recs
Bah

I'm clueless.  I didn't get your pun until this minute. Good one, though.

by Dracomicron 2009-09-17 07:30AM | 0 recs

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