Submit your Al Gore theories here
by the mollusk, Thu Jun 24, 2010 at 03:59:51 PM EDT
I have two theories: The first is that Al Gore hired the "masseuse" to release his "second Chakra" and everything went down as planned. But this masseuse saw an opportunity to shake him down for much more than a $50 handjob and took it. This begins to come to light and Al comes clean with Tipper before it is made public. At which point Tipper, because she doesn't need to take that shit, splits. Now the masseuse has gone public with basically a phony story containing a kernel of truth which Al Gore can never publicly admit to. And the masseuse, being no William Shakespeare herself, leaves us with a rambling, confusing, and very hard to believe story. Thus the masseuse caused Al and Tipper to split despite the story being basically phony.
My second theory after the jump:
My second theory is that it wasn't Al Gore in that room at all, but actually the Smoke Monster. When the masseuse touched him, he had a memory of long ago having an affair with an ancient villager on a remote island. He felt a surge of passion and remembrance. But the masseuse hadn't traveled back in time yet to have the affair with the Smoke Monster and so had no innate memory of their affair. She recoiled. And when she did so, the Smoke Monster become angry. However, being so far from the Heart of the Island, his Smoke Monster powers failed him and he was left with simple thuggery. The masseuse escapes and begins to go to the police. However, before the scheduled interview with the detectives, she meets Jacob who tells her she is special and is needed on the Island. She goes to the Island, but lands in an ancient time where she meets the Smoke Monster in human form. Not as Al Gore, but as the hunky Richard Alpert. They have an affair, she becomes pregnant, and carries a child to term. However, the child dies because of some mysterious power in the Island. The masseuse becomes embittered. The sky turns bright and the next thing she knows, she's all alone outside of an enormous electronic fence belonging to the Dharma Initiative. They eventually let her inside and decide that she is trustworthy. She obtains a spot on the submarine and returns to modern-day Portland. Two years have passed since she disappeared from Portland. She remembers the encounter with the Smoke Monster and understands why he acted the way that he did. But it doesn't matter. Her child has died and she is terribly embittered. So, she decides to go public with the story understanding that as improbable as it all sounds, she must try to hurt the Smoke Monster the way she was hurt when her child died on the Island. That's what I think happened.
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