I Am Legend

2011: I stare at a wasteland. Where once there was free speech and equality there is now only group-think and empty streets. It started as a seemingly good thing but the Obama virus soon spread out of control, decimating all free thought in its wake. Now I stand alone. The last surviving Hillary supporter on Earth.

Excerpts from the last known radio transmissions made by the Psychotronicman:

*I take careful aim with my bow and arrow at some squirrels in the park. I have had no luck finding any guns since the Obama virus blended with the Reagan virus and burned the constitution and all guns were destroyed. I hope that I will be able to find a hidden cache someday so that my hunt for fresh food will become easier. Sadly my recent search of Charlton Heston's abandoned house turned up no guns.

*It is early morning and I drag myself out of bed to face yet another day with only my dog to talk reasonable politics with. The loneliness is crushing. I continue to transmit a message on my short-wave radio. "I haven't forgotten about you." along with detailed instructions to meet me at the local Hometown Buffet at 12 noon everyday in what is seeming to be the vain hope that, somehow, someone else survived the devastation.

*After shaving three times and putting on make-up to disguise my age I venture out to try and find a cure for the plague. I leave my home-made pamphlets about free speech and real national policy positions near the places that 'They' frequent in hopes that one may read them and be re-infected with common sense and start a counter virus to reverse the plague. I know that this is fruitless but I must keep trying. A giant pile of empty wheelchairs blocks me as I make my way through the city. Where did all the old people go? There were rumors of them being shipped off to Texas but soon all news of them stopped. Nothing since then.

*I make a huge mistake and forget the time. It is almost dark and soon they will come out. I can already hear their demented chanting in the distance. I jump into my stolen Honda Civic hybrid with my dog and race throught the streets towards home. I lose control of the vehicle swerving to avoid an abandoned SUV and crash into a truck carrying crates full of Kool-Aid. The noxious fluid spills all over my dog. Carrying him in my arms I already know it is too late. He is infected. Safely locked back in my fortress of solitude I see the changes start to happen immediately. His eyes go glassy and vacant and he begins to mindlessly snarl and snap at my autographed picture of Chelsea Clinton. Sadly I rise from my chair and approach him with a sledgehammer.

*They have found me! I cower in fear hearing their chants of 'hope' and 'change' coming from right outside. They are pounding at my door and and I know it is just a matter of time before they break through. I clutch the last remaining copy of '1984' for comfort as I hear them break down the door. I can already smell their noxious breath, a mixture of Starbucks and Kool-Aid. I try not to tremble knowing it will soon be over and horribly I will become one of them. I am legend.

End of transmissons.

Tags: Barack Obama, cult, elderly, Hillary Clinton, Media, movies, snark (all tags)

Comments

12 Comments

Re: I Am Legend

Um, did you even read I Am Legend, or just watch one of the terrible movies?

by PantherDem 2008-02-19 06:06AM | 0 recs
Re: I Am Legend

When you were loving it, did you ever realize that the last man on earth, is not, in fact, a hero, but the very monster he thought he was fghting?

by PantherDem 2008-02-19 06:13AM | 0 recs
*whoosh*

"Hey, did something just fly over my head?"

by PantherDem 2008-02-19 06:51AM | 0 recs
Well, let's just "hope"...

That this remains fantasy. Otherwise, I wouldn't know what to do if all my remaining non-infected friends caught the "hope virus". ;-)

by atdleft 2008-02-19 06:14AM | 0 recs
Re: Well, let's just "hope"...

adtleft wrote:

"That this remains fantasy. Otherwise, I wouldn't know what to do if all my remaining non-infected friends caught the "hope virus". ;-)"

They would chant: I am tool.

by Marsha1 2008-02-19 09:57AM | 0 recs
Yes, I know...

Psychotronicman always finds a way to make true stories sound funny. hehe ;-)

by atdleft 2008-02-19 06:12AM | 0 recs
Thanks for the LOL!

by grlpatriot 2008-02-19 06:21AM | 0 recs
This is brilliant!

Don't worry, you won't be alone.  I'm immune to Kool-Aid.

by JoeySky18 2008-02-19 06:35AM | 0 recs
Re: I Am Legend

Well done! ;)

by durendal 2008-02-19 06:46AM | 0 recs
Re: I Am Legend

Hilarious! I really needed a laugh today. Happily rec'd.

Thank you for making a difficult morning more bearable.

by sricki 2008-02-19 07:09AM | 0 recs
Re: I Am Legend

Well done -- and a perfect movie to snark. I kept looking at my friend like this is so, so bad I don't know if I can stand another second. For some reason we stayed for the whole thing -- a painful two hours.

I know some democrats who are working on the GOP-Obama antitode. If we can get it to the Obama fans in time, then they'll remember that Bill and Hillary Clinton have done many great things for the Democratic party, for minorities, women, children, the sick, and for the country. But, we must act fast...a team was dispatched to WI last night, hopefully they'll get the antidote to the dems in time.

by seattlegonz 2008-02-19 08:17AM | 0 recs
Re: I Am Legend

Lol.  I love a good laugh.  Thank you

by macmcd 2008-02-19 09:17AM | 0 recs

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