Hittin' the bricks with Barack Obama
by Psychotronicman, Mon Feb 25, 2008 at 06:25:13 AM EST
(Hi kids. Time for another spin on the Psychotronic time machine.)
After leading the biggest defeat of a political party in American history former presidential candidate Barack Obama has found himself in an unfamiliar position: regular job seeker.
Shortly after the shocking collapse of his presidential run under the vicious scrutiny of the Republican attack machine he glumly sat on his couch and watched re-runs of 'Malcom in the Middle' for six months. Barack had resigned from the senate in humilation at his being returned to normal 'human' status and the snickering from the Republican side of the aisle proved too much for him to handle culminating in the infamous paperweight incident involving Sen. Kingston. Soon thereafter Michelle Obama announces that she isn't so proud of him anymore and he better get his butt up and start making some money again.
At first Barack assumes that his former employers will take him back with open arms but that soon proves not to be the case. No good having a lawyer who couldn't close a done deal after being handed nothing but loving press coverage and a total free pass on his lack of experience. Colleges too don't want him back because his former supporters have proven to be disruptive during classes due to their constant chanting. Forced to re-think his career options as a 48 year old man he finds that they are very limited indeed.
Excerpt from interview for assistant manager spot at Chili's:
Interviewer: Good afternoon, Mr. Obama. (Shakes hands) Did I get that right? Have a seat. Now I guess we should start with you telling us something about yourself?
Obama: Born of a multi-cultural background my father left us when I was two. I found solace in my teen years in anger at what I perceived was the establishment and its unfairness to men of color. This led me into drugs and some really bad choices that...
Interviewer: Um, not to interrupt Mr. Obama but that wasn't really what I meant. I was kind of thinking along the lines of 'what are your hobbies?' I guess we'll move on. Now for quality assurances is it okay if I record our interview?
Obama: yes we can.
Interviewer: Uh, but is it okay with you?
Obama: Yes we can.
Interviewer: I guess that's a yes? Now what can you tell me about your experience in restaurant work?
(The office window shatters and an angry Obama supporter sticks his head in.)
Interviewer: What the hell!?!
Obama Supporter: How dare you ask about his experience? What are you a racist?
Interviewer: Hey fool. I'm black too. I never...get out of here!
Obama Supporter: No! Hope. Change. Hope. Change...
Interviewer: Stop that.
Obama Supporter: Hope. Change. Hope. Change. Hope...
Interviewer: Oh yeah! Hillary Clinton! Hillary Clinton!
Obama Supporter: Aieee! Stop it! Noooo... (runs away stuffing dirt in ears.)
Interviewer: I think that will be enough for today. We'll be in touch Mr. Obama.
After several more months of fruitless job searching Barack returns home to find he has been locked out and that Michelle has taken the kids and moved to Hollywood to pursue a career as an entertainment agent. Temporarily living on Kos's couch he decides to pursue the avenue of motivational speaker. This goes well until he is sued by David Axelrod for copyright infringement and he is forced to put together his speeches using old song lyrics from the public domain. His final appearance is at the Bob Hope theater in Stockton, California in front of four people.
Not much is known about Barack Obama after that and the last known sighting of him was wandering the blasted wastelands of Portland, Oregon.