Planet of the Rug Apes

The Democratic drive to regain the White House in 2008 suffered an apparent setback yesterday when a gang of rug apes ate Clobamatron, the two-headed Democratic candidate.

But Democratic National Chairman Howard Dean quickly reassured the party faithful that absentee ballots already cast for Clobamatron are still valid.

"All we really have to do is corral those rug apes in the Oval Office until they poop out our candidate on the rug."

Editor's note: This explains the diary's previous title, Back Door to the Whitehouse.

This theme was echoed in a joint statement by Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. "Even a pile of Clobamatron on the rug is better than George W. Bush."

Informed opinion about the motivation of the rug apes who ate Clobamatron was summed up by extra-terrestrial intruder Bifrix Meemgoobr. "Rug apes will swallow anything," he said, "and my species has observed similar political behavior among low-IQ humanoids on more than a hundred planets."

Editors note: Contrary to the demented sarcasm of "Jacob Freeze," Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are both very intelligent life-forms, but playing by the rules of TV politics means talking like toddler squeak-toys in some God-forsaken playpen.

Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton (all tags)


1 Comment

Planet of the Rug Apes!

by Jacob Freeze 2008-02-08 05:09PM | 0 recs


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