Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report

Tired of Bill Safire's annual "Office Pool" column in The New York Times? -- the 2007 version of which appeared today. Sick of his not-so-subtle slants to reflect his right-wing wish list? Well, here then, is the only Office Pool you need, the First Annual "Office Satire Pool" for 2007:

1. George Bush will:

(a) stay the course, (b) give in to his urge to surge, (c) cut and run, (d) cut his wrists.

I hope for (d), but fear it'll be (b).

2. Dick Cheney will push for the invasion of:

(a) Iran, (b) Syria, (c) Iraq, all over again, (d) The Democratic-controlled House and Senate.

My pick: All of the above.

3. Osama bin Laden will:

(a) be captured while dining with Pakistan President Musharraf, (b) take over as the lead anchor on Al Jazeera, (c) be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Bush, for ensuring W's re-election.

The answer is (a), but you won't hear about it, since Bush needs both Musharraf and bin Laden.

4. Which politician's platform to battle the E. coli threat will be most ridiculed:

(a) Hillary Clinton's centrist-tacking "All meat should be safe, legal and rare," (b) John McCain's "Send in more bacteria," (c) John Kerry's "How do you ask a man to die for a last steak."

Obviously (c), which will be played to death by the Swift Meat Company veterans.

5. Which position will the extreme Right-Wing do a dramatic reversal on:

(a) abortion, (b) tax cuts for the wealthy, (c) global warming, (d) human cloning.

The correct answer is (d) human cloning, which has already occurred, based on the fact that Pat Buchanan appears simultaneously on every cable news station.


Tags: fake news, abortion, al jazeera, ariel sharon, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, bill o'reilly, buffalo, Bush, Carville, cheney, clarence thomas, cloning, Congress, cut and run, Democrats, donald trump, duke case, e. coli, Elections, extreme makeover, falafel, gay, george tenet, Gerald Ford, gingrich, Giuliani, Global Warming, GOP, Hillary Clinton, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jimmy Carter, John Edwards, John Kerry, John McCain, lesbians, matalin, Middle East, Mitt Romney, moktada al-sadr, mormons, musharraf, muslims, New Orleans, New York Times, ninth ward, office pool, Olbermann, Osama Bin Laden, pakistan, panama canal, pat buchanan, Republicans, right-wingers, rosie o'donnell, satire, shiites, squeaky fromme, stay the course, sunnis, Supreme Court, surge, Syria, tax cuts, Tim Russert, tom friedman, war on christmas, william safire (all tags)


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