Proudly endorsing John McCain for President
by DemAC, Wed Jun 04, 2008 at 07:50:56 PM EDT
Yeah, so in the wake of yet another painful political loss I'm seriously considering formally endorsing Grumpy McSame for President of the United States. Not that he'd care one bit about my endorsing him of course; and not that I'd ever donate a cent to him; or that I'd ever campaign one minute for him. But still...
See, here's the deal: I'm like the best Democrat ever to pick losers and, as you might be aware, in our party that's no small feat.
Give me an intelligent, thoughtful, well connected politician who has seemingly everything going for her or him, let me throw in my support, and BOOOM! Humiliating disaster will strike with near 100 % certainty.
I've got years of empirical evidence to back it up. For instance I enthusiastically supported Bill Bradley in 2000. That is a particularly good example as Bradley's losing streak was impressive even for a candidate supported by me. So needless to say I soon shifted my invaluable support (invaluable to the opponent that is) to Al Gore. The rest, as they say, is history.
The year 2004 proved at first to be a really odd experience as my candidate actually won the primary. (Yep, I was for Kerry before Iowa.) Fate naturally couldn't stand it. Soon enough the iron rule behind this exception asserted itself in a forceful way as some creative individuals decided to air a low quality TV ad belying Kerry's military career on his swift boat.
Now in 2008 I'm back to normal again; apparently by my sheer enthusiastic support alone delivering ignominious defeat to an excellent and downright brilliant candidate. To make matters worse she's my very own US Senator too.
And all this is what has got me thinking about formally endorsing John McCain. I will naturally do what little I can to get the Democratic candidate elected in the fall - but supporting and endorsing him? Nooo. God, the Democratic Party and Barack Obama (not necessarily in that order) forbid! Apparently my support is like a deadly poison to a political candidate. No matter how bright the outlook - I somehow possess the magical power to end any and all campaigns in utter defeat just by supporting it.
I would obviously rather have it the other way around you know, so that my support would be tantamount to victory. But, hey, we've got to play the hand we were dealt.
So hear ye, hear ye: I hereby proudly endorse John McCain for POTUS.
...And if that isn't enough to guarantee a landslide victory for Barack Obama in November - I don't know what will.