Let Texas Secede
by bored now, Thu Apr 16, 2009 at 09:49:38 AM EDT
The United States of America elects Barack Obama and the first thing Texas wants to do is secede. Let 'em.
I'm sure that -- sometime, somewhere -- Texas Governor Rick Perry will claim that this isn't about the president's race, but why take the risk? What does Texas bring to the table that America should be blackmailed into their particular version of patriotism. If Texas doesn't want to be in the union, let them go. F*ck 'em. We don't need 'em.
This isn't a question of whether the Constitution (or Texas' annexation agreement) gives Texas the right to secede. It's a question of whether Texas adds value to the Union, whether it is worth it to the rest of the country to put up with their crap. Remember, Texas begged us to join the Union. After declaring independence from Mexico, Texas sent James Freeman to Washington, D.C. to propose annexation in August 1837. President Van Buren's administration declined, apparently in the belief that annexing Texas would bring us to war with Mexico since it had neither abandoned its claim to Texas nor recognized Texan independence. Eight years later, annexation was completed:
One of the motivations for annexation was that the Texas government had incurred huge debts which the United States agreed to assume upon annexation.
There's no need to fight. Texas was once a sovereign country that begged to join the United States because it mismanaged its independence. Hey, we (the United States) did that, too, we just took a different route to solve the problem. But what has Texas done for us? There's no quicker way to end our dependence on oil than to cut off the slice of the country that is pushing us towards it. And Texas wouldn't be a part of NAFTA, so there would be no need for "free trade" with them. Let 'em trade with Mexico.
Speaking of Mexico, we probably wouldn't have to worry too much about illegal immigrants from Mexico as illegal immigration from Texas would undoubtedly be a greater concern. Yeah, yeah, Texans love to complain about illegal immigration but I'm betting Oklahoma would become the new Texas. The Okies and Louisiana probably would want to put up a fence to keep those disgusting Texans out.
Sure, you could probably count on Texas becoming a failed state right quick, but at least they'd self-destruct first. They ain't too bright down there, and historical experience has already shown they don't know how to govern themselves too well. Like any petro-state, they'd probably be more sensitive to the vulgarities of the oil market, but why should we care?
While we're at it, we need to make sure that the NCAA and our professional sports leagues kick out the Texan teams. We'd need to set up tight border controls to keep Texans from fleeing that hellhole, so we couldn't very well allow their sports teams timely access to the United States.
Texas secession should be something we can all support! Write your Senators and Congressmen today, demanding that they support the secession of Texas from the United States. Imagine, if Texas had been an independent country, the image of this country across the globe wouldn't have been diminished by the cowboy antics of George W. Bush! This is really a bipartisan idea who's time has come! Let Texas secede. The United States could only be better for it...