Jindal: "I've given her protection from demons"
by Barrett Brown, Thu May 22, 2008 at 10:59:44 AM EDT
The new Republican governor of Louisiana is, one must admit, very impressive in some respects, being not only a young man with obvious intellectual gifts in the practical sphere (if not the theoretical one), but also that rare breed of modern Republican who actually wants to fix a couple of those things which everyone agrees ought to be fixed - Louisiana, for instance. Moreover, he's being seriously considered by McCain as a possible running mate, and is in fact meeting with the Maverick at his Maverick Straight Talk Honesty Ranch on this very day.
This is all well and good, but it does not change the fact that Bobby Jindal also believes that demons regularly possess Christians for presumably nefarious purposes, and that in such cases, the only cure is a prompt and well-attended exorcism.
This is an excerpt from an article which Bobby Jindal wrote in 1994 concerning an episode that seems to have befallen a college sweetheart of his. It's entitled "Beating a Demon: Physical Dimensions of Spiritual Warfare," and may be read in its entirety at the website of the New Oxford Journal for the low, low price of $1.50, which the reader shall note is cheaper than the cost of renting The Exorcist, unless you have NetFlix, which you probably do, you hip people, you:
In a voice I had never heard before or since, Susan accused me: "Bobby, you cannot even love Susan." Before I even noticed the sound of her voice, I thought it funny that Susan would refer to herself in the third person. Then the full impact of the words hit me. Forgetting the frantic students around me and even poor Susan lying on the floor, I thought of our conversation the day before. The real argument had been whether I was capable of loving Susan. I needed the answer to be yes, more for my sake than ours. I have always been a closed and relatively unemotional person and needed to know that my best friend felt that I at least could love her, due to some very strong remarks made two years before by my former girlfriend (hardly an objective source), I was beginning to doubt that I had the capacity for feeling.
Knowing that I was doing Susan no good, I quickly retreated to the opposite side of the room. Susan proceeded to denounce every individual in the room, often citing very private and confidential information she could not possibly have known on her own. It was information capable of hurting individuals -- attacking people, as she did, by revealing their hidden feelings, fears, and worries. The night was just beginning!
The students, led by Susan's sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, "Satan, I command you to leave this woman." Others exhorted all "demons to leave in the name of Christ." It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.
Though I attempted to maintain a stoic attitude and an expressionless face, my inner fear must have been apparent to all present. I was the only one present who remained silent and apart from the group.
Then the fear and doubts began. Though I have experienced the normal periods of questioning, I have never come so close to abandoning my faith as I did that night. I could not pray to God. I tried as hard as I could, but I couldn't. Out of desperation, I called upon the saints to articulate my prayers and rescue me from this living nightmare. Though I had never prayed with the saints before, I began to understand the Church's teaching of the unity within the One Body. I pleaded with the saints in Heaven to offer God the prayers I was unable to formulate.
Susan's sister sent someone to call a local minister experienced in such matters. Some desperate part of my brain wondered if we should also call the campus priest. I wanted the full authority of the Church to confront this demon, or whatever was causing this horrible scene. I wanted the priest to bring the Eucharist and watch the spirits fall before the power of Christ's Real Presence.
So, what to make of all this? Jindal notes a number of theories:
Susan stayed in the house of a missionary with experience in spiritual warfare in foreign countries. Her sister thought it best she stay out of her own room. Susan's roommate, the daughter of a Hmong faith healer, had decorated the room with supposedly pagan influences. Other theories explaining the night's events soon surfaced. Susan's mother had once worshipped [sic] and offered a sacrifice at a pagan altar in the Far East for her husband's health, though he had been healed, she had been warned not to repeat such practices, but had returned to that same altar in the Far East upon hearing of Susan's illness. The UCF staff member dismissed Susan's affliction as a psychological disorder, precipitated by the semester's stress, and advised her to seek professional help. Susan, who had experienced visions and other related phenomena as a child, thought her intense flirting with guys and straying away from God had led to this punishment.
Or perhaps there is some sort medical explanation that does not involve Mediterranean demons who are in the habit of punishing young women for "intense flirting." Who's to say? At any rate, Jindal had the situation covered.
With holy water and blessed crucifixes, I have even given her physical protection from the demons that have only once reappeared, and then for a mere moment.
What should we take from all of this? To me, at least, the answer is clear; John McCain must choose Bobby Jindal as his running mate so that he might be in a better position to exorcise the demonic forces that accumulate in the White House every time some wacky "Far East" dignitary shows up to tea wearing his crazy "Far East" devil necklaces and whatnot.
Write John Hagee today and tell him to tell his friend McCain that we, the demon-fearing public, will accept no substitute.