Playing Chess With al-Anbar Province

With all the talk of our "progress" in al-Anbar Province, there is a underlining story not being told. When the idea of 3 separate states with a small central government was floated, the basic idea was that the Kurds would be in the north, Sunnis in the middle, and Shia in South. This is also part of the problem, since a majority of the oil is in north and south, with only a few reserves in the middle. But if you notice, all the talk has been about the Sunnis fighting al-Qaeda in the Shia south.

Something doesn't smell right.....

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Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report

Proving once again that his inside access as a journalist is unparalleled, Bob Woodward, appearing today with Larry King, discussed his exclusive interview with Saddam Hussein -- conducted just moments before the deposed Iraqi dictator was hanged for his crimes.

Wearing the black hood of the executioner to conceal his identity, a trick he learned during Watergate days from Deep Throat, Woodward extracted truly remarkable revelations from Saddam, even as Woodward placed the noose around the doomed man's neck.

The transcript released by Woodward reveals that Saddam was strongly opposed to the U.S. invasion, but was reluctant to publicly criticize the Bush Administration, according to the longstanding protocol of honor among thieves.

Hussein also confesses to Woodward that although he always despised Bush 41 for kicking him out of Kuwait, he subsequently developed a grudging respect for the old man, especially after witnessing the rank incompetence of his son, who he referred to as the "not so great Satan."


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Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report

Tired of Bill Safire's annual "Office Pool" column in The New York Times? -- the 2007 version of which appeared today. Sick of his not-so-subtle slants to reflect his right-wing wish list? Well, here then, is the only Office Pool you need, the First Annual "Office Satire Pool" for 2007:

1. George Bush will:

(a) stay the course, (b) give in to his urge to surge, (c) cut and run, (d) cut his wrists.

I hope for (d), but fear it'll be (b).

2. Dick Cheney will push for the invasion of:

(a) Iran, (b) Syria, (c) Iraq, all over again, (d) The Democratic-controlled House and Senate.

My pick: All of the above.

3. Osama bin Laden will:

(a) be captured while dining with Pakistan President Musharraf, (b) take over as the lead anchor on Al Jazeera, (c) be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Bush, for ensuring W's re-election.

The answer is (a), but you won't hear about it, since Bush needs both Musharraf and bin Laden.

4. Which politician's platform to battle the E. coli threat will be most ridiculed:

(a) Hillary Clinton's centrist-tacking "All meat should be safe, legal and rare," (b) John McCain's "Send in more bacteria," (c) John Kerry's "How do you ask a man to die for a last steak."

Obviously (c), which will be played to death by the Swift Meat Company veterans.

5. Which position will the extreme Right-Wing do a dramatic reversal on:

(a) abortion, (b) tax cuts for the wealthy, (c) global warming, (d) human cloning.

The correct answer is (d) human cloning, which has already occurred, based on the fact that Pat Buchanan appears simultaneously on every cable news station.


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Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report

While all of the media attention has been sucked up by The Iraq Study Group, flying under the radar is a parallel report on the United States,prepared by a bipartisan group of Iraqi clerics.

"The U.S. Study Group Report," also known as the al-Sadr Report, after the radical Shiite cleric, concludes that the condition of the United States is "grave and deteriorating."

The Report points to a dysfunctional electoral system, an inability to devise coherent immigration or health care programs, and America's disturbing obsession with crass game shows that feature scantily-clad women holding up dollar signs.


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Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report

Ever since he was a young boy
He had a silver spoon
From Greenwich down to Midland
That's where he learned to moon
But I ain't seen nothing like him
In any skid row saloon
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure is a mean buffoon

He stands like a statue
Part of the Neo-Con machine
Constitution in the dumper
Likes big oil, not green or clean
Plays by faith-based intuition
The Mid-East countries fall
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure is a mean goofball


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