GOP, REBUFFED ON ROBOCALLS, BRINGS IN THE ROBOCOPS

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

While the GOP has just been "outed" on its latest election scam of "robocalling" voters, Karl Rove and his band of thugs are now resorting to "Plan B": ROBOCOPS.

These remote-controlled Robocops, built with the money the government has taken from Katrina relief, student loan funding and stem cell research, are the latest in state-of-the-art technologies developed by the RNC to snatch electoral victories from the jaws of defeat.

The GOP was forced to resort to these cyber-cop creations since human robocops -- the type that were employed to harass protesters at the 2004 Republican Convention -- are now all voting Democratic.

The Robocops form a cordon around the homes of likely Democratic voters and threaten to destroy them if they venture outside before the polls close.

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=400

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GOP, TO MOTIVATE THE BASE, CAMPAIGNS WITH BORAT

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

In light of the polls showing the loss of at least the House of Representatives in tomorrow's midterms, the GOP has decided to throw the ultimate "Hail Mary" -- a last minute campaign blitz with Borat.

As RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman put it, "who better than Borat to appeal to all of the red-meat issues that rile up our base: hatred of Jews, hatred of gays, hatred of women, and hatred of the Enlightenment."

"And the fact that he's been married to his half-sister," Mehlman added, "is bound to solidify our hold in the South."

Preliminary reports are that many GOP candidates who fled from campaign appearances with Bush are now falling all over themselves to appear with Borat. Although these candidates are fully aware that Borat's routine is a joke, their nearly uniform response has been "Who cares, so is Bush's."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=398

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GOP'S `SEXUAL ADS' BACKFIRE, AS DEMS CAPTURE `SWING' VOTE

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

According to the most recent polling, the Republicans have become the ultimate victim of "what goes around comes around," as Democrats are now capturing the overwhelming majority of "swing" voters.

Following on the heels of risque GOP ads attacking Democrats - featuring lap dancers, hookers and phone sex girls -- the Democrats are pulling away in the polls, based on their increased popularity with wife swappers, on-line swing clubs and patrons of escort services.

As the Wall Street Journal/NBC News Poll concluded: "The Blue State Party is now identified as the Party of Midnight Blue." And since swingers tend to be predominantly from the upper class, Democrats have hopes of winning over large numbers of traditionally Republican voters.

CONTINUE READING at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=381

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FISSION ACCOMPLISHED: IRAQ HAS OBTAINED NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY ... FROM AMERICA

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

On the eve of the midterm elections, Bush has announced that Iraq is reconstituting its programs of WMD, "based on nucular technology ... from America, and therefore requires a re-invasion of Iraq."

Bush went out of his way to thank Republican Congressman Peter Hoekstra (rhymes with "schnookster") for creating this development, by his insistence on posting thousands of classified documents from the Iraqi Gulf-War era on an official Government website.

Bush also dismissed any notion that he would fire Donald Rumsfeld, despite an editorial calling for Rumsfeld's head by The Army Times, asserting that "you go with the Defense Secretary who screwed everything up, not one that's competent."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=397

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HOMELAND SECURITY DEPT. USED `TERROR-ALERT' CHARTS FROM IRAQ

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

As if the rampant lies and deceptions of the Bush Administration were not already of epic proportions, an anonymous source has told The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh that the terror-alert charts used by the Department of Homeland Security were actually prepared for Iraq.

As recently disclosed by The New York Times, the military has used a color-coded chart to display the growing chaos and civil war in Iraq. The chart, titled "Index of Civil Conflict," shows a color-coded bar with "peace" marked on the left and "chaos" on the right. An arrow puts the current situation inside the red area on the far right, much closer to chaos than peace.

Now, it appears that Karl Rove and company "borrowed" the "Iraq terror charts" to scare the bejesus out of Americans about false domestic terror threats, particularly around election time.

However, many independent experts contend that the Administration's "dual use" of the charts was not particularly misleading. As historian Douglas Brinkley asked, "can you think of a better example of chaos than New Orleans during Katrina?"

CONTINUE READING at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=389

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