GOP SUES DIEBOLD FOR FAILING TO 'FIX' MIDTERM ELECTIONS

In a lawsuit that legal scholars are calling unprecedented, the Republican National Committee has filed suit against Diebold, the manufacturer of electronic voting machines, for breach of contract, negligence, fraud and breach of fiduciary duty - all arising out of Diebold's failure to "fix" the midterm elections in favor of the GOP.

The 189-page complaint, filed, naturally, in the Southern District of Florida, alleges that "Diebold reneged on its promises to deliver a majority of votes to Republican candidates in 49 states."

A footnote to the complaint explained that "no damages are sought regarding the Communistwealth of Taxachussets, which even elected a black guy as governor; as the GOP acknowledges that Diebold could only be expected to perform its contractual promises, not miracles."

Professor Alan Dershowitz of the Harvard Law School commented that this was the first time he could recall an action being brought against a party for failing to carry out a fraud. "Indeed," Dershowitz added, "it would be like O.J. suing a private investigator for not finding the real killer ... Oops!"

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=402

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WARREN ZEVON'S 'AL QAEDA IN LONDON'

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Recent reports have surfaced about the extensive terrorist threat faced by Great Britain - expected to last a generation - and which has been largely driven by the UK's role in the Iraqi invasion.

Although we lost the great Warren Zevon a few years ago, I have it on good authority that he's still keeping up with the world, and continuing to create his unique brand of music. Here's his latest:

I saw an Al Qaeda with a Chinese menu in his hand,
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Kosher Hunan
Searching for Jews eating vegetable chow mein.
Ahhwooooo... Al Qaeda of London, Ahwooooo!
Ahhwooooo... Al Qaeda of London, Ahwooooo!

You hear him prowling around your garden shed
You better not let him in
Stole some fertilizer late last night,
Al Qaeda of London again
Ahhwooooo... Al Qaeda of London, Ahwooooo!
Ahhwooooo... Al Qaeda of London, Ahwooooo! Huh!

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=290

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POPPY'S REVENGE -- HIS `BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN'

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Kudos to the excellent column and title by Newsweek's Howard Fineman, in describing the Rummy-dump and the partial restoration of the Regime of Bush the Elder, primarily in the form of James Baker and Robert Gates. And, most importantly, thank you Howard, for inspiring this Thin Lizzy song parody:

Guess who just got back today?
Them buttoned-down boys, from Poppy's Days
Haven't changed, now they're back in play
But man, I still think like foxes they're crazy

They were asking if Dubya was around
How you was, where you could be found
Told them you were living in fantasy-town
Driving your old man crazy

The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town ...
I said
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town

You know that SECDEF used to "dance" a lot
Every night at the podium saying what the troops ain't got
Man when I tell you he was a fool, he shoulda' been shot
I mean he was dreaming

READ MORE at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=405

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BUSH, CONFUSED ABOUT ELECTION DAY, FIRES RUMSFELD IN 'DECEMBER SURPRISE'

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

President Bush yesterday fired Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, in a last-ditch attempt to rally his base and stave off a GOP disaster in the midterm elections.

When told that the election had already taken place, and that his party had suffered a bloodbath worthy of "Fight Club of Fallujah," Bush explained that he must've been relying on the official GOP Calendar, which is based on the 19th Century.

However, when informed of the GOP's disastrous loss of both houses of Congress, Bush admitted that he had been somewhat distracted by a contest he had entered into with Karl Rove: "Maybe if I had been more of a delegator, and less of a masturbator, things woulda' turned out differently."

In fact, things went so badly for the Republicans, they even lost the pedophile vote by a two-to-one margin.

CONTTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=403

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DEMS SING `OUR HOUSE IS A VERY, VERY, VERY BLUE HOUSE'

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

I'll end the quagmire
You put the cowards in their place
With subpoenas, today

Staring at the liars
For hours and hours
While they spin their myths
Or plead their Fifths ...
Suddenly we're free
We're free

Succumb to us now
Suppress your lies for just five minutes
Everything is good ...

No more gloom and doom
The truth is now illuminated
By the sunshine hearings
Fiery Dems come through,
GOP adieuuuuuuuuu ...

Our House ...

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=384

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