V.P. DOES AN O.J.: 'IF I DID IT -- FAKED WMD'

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Although FOX News has finally succumbed to the pressure to pull its despicable O.J. Special, it has now signed on to an even more disgraceful enterprise: Dick Cheney's provocative new book: IF I DID IT --FAKED WMD.

Scheduled to appear on FOX with Sean Hannity, Cheney asserts in his book that the first thing he would have done is get an Iraqi screwball named "Curveball" to claim that Saddam had mass stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons -- based in a Shia trailer park in the slums of Sadr City.

Then, as a "change of pace," he would have claimed that a roll of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil that Iraqis used to store their leftover yellow sponge cake was actually part of a reconstituted nuclear weapons program. (Editor's Note: This at a time when Baghdad actually had electricity for refrigerators.)

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=417

There's more...

KISSINGER FINALLY CONCEDES VICTORY NOT POSSIBLE: IN VIETNAM

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger -- like the infamous Japanese soldier holed up in a cave for 30 years after WWII - has finally conceded that the war in Vietnam is not winnable.

Emerging disheveled from his think tank, wearing a bandana and tie-dyed T-shirt, along with his trademark black-framed glasses, Dr. K announced that "VC is at hand."

Although Kissinger was loathe to admit that such brilliant ideas as the bombing of Cambodia never paid off, he was forced to finally concede defeat once he caught a glimpse of Bush in Ho Chi Minh City, wearing the native blue Vietnamese dress that even the Wizard on the Lucky Charms box wouldn't be caught dead in.

Kissinger, however, asserted that his prosecution of the war in Vietnam was superior to the current Administration's efforts in Iraq, "since unlike their ignorance of the Shia-Sunni divide, at least Nixon and I knew that there were both North and South Vietnamese."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=421

There's more...

ADMINISTRATION ATTACKS 'FACTIVIST' JUDGES

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Within the past few days, both Vice President Cheney and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales have attacked critics of the Bush Administration's warrantless surveillance program, including a federal judge who ruled last August that the program was unconstitutional.

As Gonzales succinctly said, "we shouldn't let facts like the U.S. Constitution get in the way of our fight to defend freedom."

Gonzales also criticized judges who recognized such facts as the Enlightenment, the Geneva Convention, Congressional statutes, the New Deal, the Great Society and global warming.

Despite the Democrats' midterm election victory, the Attorney General insisted that the Administration would continue to push for federal judges who share the philosophy of a Scalia or Thomas: "We believe that judges should adhere to "original in-tent," that is, the norms of pre-Magna Carta feudal society, when most folks were living in tents."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=420

There's more...

IRAQ STUDY GROUP'S MAGIC 'BULLET': SEND LA COPS TO BAGHDAD

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Although its formal proposals are not due out until the end of the year, The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh has learned that the key recommendation of the Iraq Study Group will be to send a battalion of LA cops to Baghdad.

While this was not part of the Baker Commission's initial plan, recent events -- including LA officers repeatedly punching a suspected gang member in the face, and UCLA cops tasering a student in the campus library -- have convinced the bipartisan Commission that this just may be the last, best hope.

The proposal, being marketed as "Stay the Coarse," or "Tased Re-Destroyment," was briefly summarized by Commission Co-Chairman Lee Hamilton: "no disrespect to the Marines, but if you're ever going to get control of the insane asylum known as Baghdad, you have to send in your own crazy motherfuckers."

Although he has absolutely nothing to do with the Commission, John Kerry also weighed in on the move, stating that "if you don't get an education at UCLA, you end up working campus security there, then you end up in Iraq."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=419

There's more...

DEMS PROPOSE 'VIETNAM STUDY GROUP' -- TO KEEP BUSH IN VIETNAM

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

After getting past their election of a Majority Leader, Democrats are now showing great resolve and unity in proposing the creation of "The Vietnam Study Group," intended to explore ways keep Bush in Vietnam.

Bush, who's visiting Vietnam for a summit of Asia-Pacific leaders, was presented with a colorful bouquet of flowers, thus prompting him to assert "that if we stay the course in Iraq for 30 more years, perhaps we can finally get flowers there too."

Bush also drew another lesson from Vietnam, saying that "if we don't fight the terrorists over there in Iraq, they'll be taking over all of the neighborhood businesses in the United States."

The Democrats' proposal was greeted with bi-partisan enthusiasm, especially by the advisers of Bush 41. As one anonymous source, strongly believed to be Brent Scowcroft, said: "If we can get the Vietnamese to rough Dubya' up a little, maybe he won't be so gung-ho about rushing to war."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=416

There's more...

Diaries

Advertise Blogads