IT'S OFFICIAL: NETWORK DECLARES CIVIL WAR IN IRAQ ... STUDY GROUP

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

In a bold move reminiscent of Walter Cronkite in the Vietnam era, NBC has now officially declared that there is a civil war ... in the Iraq Study Group.

The move was announced by Matt Lauer, who was deemed qualified to opine on the subject, after his intense on-air battles with Tom Cruise.

For many months, the media had been in denial, as they continued to characterize the partisan bickering between Republicans and Democrats on the panel as low-level sectarian strife.

However, recent reports of spitballs and paper airplanes being exchanged between James Baker and Lee Hamilton, the Chair and Co-Chair, respectively, have punctured any pretense of unity.

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=429

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BUSHFELD: THE NEW SITCOM ABOUT NOTHING (EXCEPT DESTROYING THE PLANET)

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

For those of you who desperately miss Seinfeld, and are not satisfied by the reruns, DVD releases or even racist rantings of Michael Richards, DON'T DESPAIR!

NBC has agreed to pick up the option on my new sitcom, BUSHFELD. Here's an excerpt from the pilot, called THE PITCH FOR WAR:

SCENE: THE OVAL OFFICE

CHENEY: I think I can sum up the Iraq War for you with one word: NOTHING.

BUSH: Nothing?

CHENEY: (Smiling) Nothing.

BUSH: What does that mean?

CHENEY: The war is about nothing.

COLIN POWELL: (To Cheney) Well, it's not about nothing.

CHENEY: (To Colin) No, it's about nothing.

POWELL: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something.

CONDOLEEZZA: What's the war's premise?

POWELL: Well, I would go to the U.N., and make a presentation about mobile biological labs and we would pretend there are threats of mushroom clouds, yellow cake and apocalypse.

CHENEY: Yeah, but nothing happens to trigger the war. You see, it's just like life. You know, you eat, you go shopping, you read. You eat, you read, you invade Iraq.

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=379

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NEW 'TRIAL BALLOONS' CRASH AT MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Despite a rainy, windswept day in New York City, the 80th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade went off as usual, albeit with some disappointing results on some of the new big balloons.

First, a new version of an old favorite was trotted out, called "Chicken Hawk Little," representing all of the neo-con Bush Administration officials, including the President and Veep themselves, who somehow managed to find better things to do when it was their time to serve.

Starting out on the West Side of Manhattan, this balloon was roundly booed by 98% of the onlookers, and had to be retired before it exploded from being pelted with hot cups of Starbucks coffee.

Another new balloon making its maiden voyage was called "Stay the Course," bearing the likenesses of both Bush and General John Abizaid. In perhaps the ultimate irony, this balloon veered wildly off-course, completely off Broadway, and plummeted right into the swamps of the New Jersey Meadowlands.

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=424

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WHAT IF THEY GAVE AN IRAQ STUDY GROUP, AND NOBODY CAME

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

While what little remains of Iraq seems to be going up in flames each day, many people are asking just where in the name of Moktada al-Sadr is the Iraq Study Group? Will they hand in their final term paper not only after the semester ends, but after the University of Baghdad is completely sacked?

Well, it is now being reported that the members of the so-called Baker Commission are engaging in massive civil disobedience, as they refuse to venture even into Baghdad's Green Zone to complete their studies.

Instead, they were spotted burning their Iraq Study Group membership cards, as they marched behind Cindy Sheehan on the Washington Mall, chanting "Make Love, Not War," and "Hell No, We Won't Go."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=427

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RANGEL'S NEW PLAN: JUST DRAFT McCAIN'S FAMILY

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

While Charlie Rangel's proposal to reinstitute a military draft appears to be dead in the water, the Harlem Congressman has come up with a compromise plan: just draft John McCain's family.

Since McCain is virtually the only person in the world still lobbying for more U.S. troops in Iraq -- with the possible exception of Al Qaeda itself -- Rangel felt it was time for McCain to "put up (his own family) or shut up."

McCain, interestingly, had no problem with this proposal, on the condition that it was carried out in accord with the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. As McCain explained to Tim Russert, "don't ask my family if they want to go, and don't tell them we're sending them to the hell-hole called Iraq."

This proposal was also supported by the Christian Right, which contends that McCain has fathered so many children that his own offspring could singlehandedly turn the tide in Iraq.

As Pat Robertson put it, "this would also guarantee an ethnically diverse fighting force that mirrors America, since a good many of McCain's children are from Mongrel races."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=423

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