FISSION ACCOMPLISHED: IRAQ HAS OBTAINED NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY ... FROM AMERICA

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

On the eve of the midterm elections, Bush has announced that Iraq is reconstituting its programs of WMD, "based on nucular technology ... from America, and therefore requires a re-invasion of Iraq."

Bush went out of his way to thank Republican Congressman Peter Hoekstra (rhymes with "schnookster") for creating this development, by his insistence on posting thousands of classified documents from the Iraqi Gulf-War era on an official Government website.

Bush also dismissed any notion that he would fire Donald Rumsfeld, despite an editorial calling for Rumsfeld's head by The Army Times, asserting that "you go with the Defense Secretary who screwed everything up, not one that's competent."

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=397

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WEBSITE CONTAINING NUCLEAR SECRETS CLOSED -- REPLACED WITH U2'S 'HOW TO DISMANTLE AN ATOMIC BOMB'

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report -- http://satiricalpolitical.com/

Castigated by the international community for its website disclosures that could aid terrorists in building nuclear weapons, the Bush Administration has proposed a unique remedy: replacing that posting with the successful U2 album, 'How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb.'

The move was seen as an attempt to placate international institutions such as the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), which are responsible for controlling nuclear proliferation. In addition, some saw the proposal as a cynical ploy to curry favor with Bono, U2's lead singer, who has become synonymous with the UN's world-wide poverty initiatives.

Moreover, in light of the sheer stupidity that led to the dangerous disclosures in the first place -- a "Hail Mary" play by GOP politicians to "find" evidence of Iraqi WMD -- Democrats have proposed that another U2 classic be posted: 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.'

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=396

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UN VOTES TO INVADE U.S., TO STOP THE SPREAD OF WMD

In light of revelations that the Bush Administration has posted dangerous nuclear secrets on a Government website, the United Nations has approved a resolution authorizing the invasion of the United States.

Kofi Annan, the UN Secretary General, stated at a press conference that "the UN believes that violence normally doesn't solve anything, but something has to be done to stop these crazy mofos from destroying the planet."

The UN, under the leadership of the French, was able to avoid a U.S. veto in the Security Council, by having the Russian delegate bang his shoe on the desk, and yell out "Free Mustache Wax on First Avenue," thus ridding the chamber of U.S. Ambassador John Bolton long enough to hold a vote.

The Democratic Party has come out in support of the invasion. As DNC Chairman Howard Dean said, "the GOP has gone from outing Valerie Plame, to outing the secrets of uranium.""Besides," Dean added, "a UN invasion of this country is really right out of the Bush-Cheney playbook -- getting rid of a dangerous dictator in order to spread democracy."

John Kerry also chimed in, asserting "that if you don't get an education, you get stuck with the UN."

CONTINUE READING at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=393

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Disturbing Nuclear Documents Posted By Bush Administration Removed By Request of IAEA

This is from today's New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/03/world/ middleeast/03documents.html

November 3, 2006
U.S. Web Archive Is Said to Reveal a Nuclear Primer
By WILLIAM J. BROAD

Last March, the federal government set up a Web site to make public a vast archive of Iraqi documents captured during the war. The Bush administration did so under pressure from Congressional Republicans who had said they hoped to "leverage the Internet" to find new evidence of the prewar dangers posed by Saddam Hussein.

But in recent weeks, the site has posted some documents that weapons experts say are a danger themselves: detailed accounts of Iraq's secret nuclear research before the 1991 Persian Gulf war. The documents, the experts say, constitute a basic guide to building an atom bomb.

Last night, the government shut down the Web site after The New York Times asked about complaints from weapons experts and arms-control officials. A spokesman for the director of national intelligence said access to the site had been suspended "pending a review to ensure its content is appropriate for public viewing."

Officials of the International Atomic Energy Agency, fearing that the information could help states like Iran develop nuclear arms, had privately protested last week to the American ambassador to the agency, according to European diplomats who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the issue's sensitivity. One diplomat said the agency's technical experts "were shocked" at the public disclosures.

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North Korea wants to conduct a nuclear test

From No Right Turn - New Zealand's liberal blog:

Great. Just when America is gearing up to bomb Iran, North Korea pops up and announces its intention to conduct a nuclear test.

Well, that's a clear policy success for the Bush Administration's strategy of refusing to negotiate under any circumstances, isn't it?

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