Independence Doesn’t Spring From Ignorance

It’s no secret that many young Americans graduate from school with little more than the knowledge of where to find the cheat codes for the  Call of Duty electronic game. Only a small number know how to use a globe or know you have to pay interest on credit card debt. They expect to start jobs with $100,000 salaries…at McDonalds. And enough math skills to balance a checkbook? Fugetaboutit!

Every holiday a plethora of polls expose the latest statistics for American Dumbassness. This year it’s a July 4th Marist poll pointing out that only 26% percent of Americans (4o% of 18-29 year olds) don’t know which country we fought in the American revolution.

Clearly, we’ve done a bad job of educating our children and parenting them in such a way that they’re ready to learn basic skills. But then, it’s hard for a parent or teacher raised in a dysfunctional  href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Education">educational system to teach subjects for which they’re only moderately better prepared than their students. Think of a copy machine. As you make copies of copies of copies, each new copy progressively degrades more.

Of course, there are many reasons for the collapse and just as many ideas of how to put the wheels back on the school bus. The Every Child Left Behind Act, school voucher programs, the abandonment of tried and true teaching methods and curricula, and cataclysmic budget cuts all do their part. Members of the ignorati, like Rick Santorum, simply believe only liberals are responsible.

It’s appalling that kids don’t know who we bested (geography lesson: not England – they aren’t the same thing) at Yorktown (crib note: it’s in Virginia along the York River). It’s even more appalling that parents, teachers, and politicians trying to win seats in the very heart of American democracy know just as little as the kids they’ve helped intellectually cripple.

American education policy is in a shambles. It seems all we can do about it is spew dogma at each other. Since dogma is a “big word”, here’s a little vocabulary help. One definition of dogma is, “a point of view or tenet put forth as authoritative without adequate grounds“. Do you know how I know that definition? I learned how to use a dictionary.

Study up kids. You should know what your soon-to-be adult screeds mean before you end up being incapable of delivering them.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Michele Bachmann, Amy Myers: ‘Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!’

Michele Bachmann is a multi-talented woman. Conspiracy theorist. Miscommunication expert – in both the with and without 100 word freestyle Teleprompter events. Spinner of wild fantasies. Stand up comedian. The list is endless. She’s a barrel of laughs. The nation is lucky to have such comic relief in an era of unbroken heartbreak.

She’s also a member of the ignorati, those folks possessing brains the rough size and intellectual heft of an overcooked turnip. Aside from the obvious, we know she is a card-carrying member because a New Jersey high school sophomore wants to go mano a mano with ‘Chele in a debate about civics, history, and the Constitution. A debate that’ll never happen in a million years.

Amy Will Take Her in Three Rounds
Amy Myers, has Michele’s number though. “The frequent inability you have shown to accurately and factually present even the most basic information about the United States,” pits “my public education against your advanced legal education,” Amy says.

I’ll bet on Amy, even if she is one of the Every Child Left Behind generation.

“As one of a handful of women in Congress, you hold a distinct privilege and responsibility to better represent your gender nationally,” Amy says. “Though politically expedient, incorrect comments cast a shadow on your person and by unfortunate proxy, both your supporters and detractors alike often generalize this shadow to women as a whole.”

I’d be happy if she better represented the human race, but I’m always left hanging.

Will Michele take up the challenge? I doubt it. She may be stupid, but she’s just smart enough to understand Amy would hand her perky little ass to her on a platter. Sort of a Glenn Beck in a conservative cloth coat.

No Michele will “debate” her goobulent peers instead. Sarah Palin. Newt “The Snoot” Gingrich. Rick “Lock Me Away In a Sanitorium” Santorum. Donald “King of the Motherfu*kin’ World” Trump – even though he’s dropped out of the race and Michele keeps asking him where he got the “hot” do.

A Plaid Skirt Covered Ass
It’s a sad state of affairs when an allegedly serious candidate for public office wouldn’t know a fact if it bit her on her plaid skirt-covered ass. It’s a sad state of affairs when a 16-year old calls you out for your stupidity. And it’s really sad that a serious candidate won’t engage in the debate because she can’t comprehend the kid’s letter.

“Proxy? Huh?”

I’m ready to start the Smoothie Party right now. No more of this Chai Tea and Sumatran blend coffee party stuff. I’m willing to vote for Amy now. You should be too. We need someone with an ounce of sense in the White House. Someone to rebut the tea swillers and miscreants. Someone who knows the meaning of “proxy”. Someone, dare I say it, with a brain.

Come on ! Who’s with me?!!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Teabonics: The New Official Language of the Tea Party

Among the many ideas visited on the country during the post-Bush Age – 6,000 years ago when dinosaurs roamed an Earth exclusively populated by white Christians – is the notion that the far-right has a disdain for most things intellectual.

To them, science is practiced solely by the Godless heathen of the intellectual effete. History is dangerous socialist mind control that depends on actual facts. And  math? They believe the country can be run for free – no taxes, no services, it’s as easy as turning everything off – except, of course, anything they like which must always be financed by taking away the services used by someone else…unless they’re wealthy.

If ignorance is the breeding ground of fear, the ignorati are pissing a river in their communal pants. Mexicans are trying to retake Texas! Them damn Mooslims is everywhere! There’s a commie in the White House and he’s a goddamn Kenyan! Those damn scientists is refudiating the idea that air pollution, asbestos, and tobacco smoke are the three essential components of life! It’s a damn good thing the civic-minded are still driving Hummers to make up for the damage treehuggers cause.

Tucked in among all those fears is the fear that English is going to disappear from the face of the Earth, despite its position as the lingua franca for the international House of Babel. English must be saved, ironically, through government intervention presumably conducted via the small, unfunded government they’re always prattling on about. It’s an idea patterned after the Academie Francais – something most of them have never heard of because internationalism is a plot…in this case, a French plot, damn their Freedom Fry hating ways!

This summer was a barrel of political laughs. Who could forget Glenn Beck reclaiming the civil rights movement or the witch lady who never rubs one out when she’s stressed! Ah ha ha ha ha! Yeah, good times! But perhaps the biggest comedic relief came from the many signs proudly held up by Tea Baggers (er, Tea Partiers, they’re as offended at that name as Dub is offended by Kanye West).

A quick glance at those signs shows the dominance of the intellectual prowess that is the far right’s brain. They’ve invented an entirely new English language spoken only by the in crowd. It will triumph over all those bastardized languages like Mexican, Ebonics, and Spanglish. Morans, muslins, and terorits are more than simple misspelled words, they’re the vanguard of a new Anglo-Esperanto creation…

Teabonics.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

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