To Beat or Not to Beat, For O’Donnell There is No Question

It’s one thing to burn a Quran. It’s another when a cracker like Glenn Beck claims to take back the civil rights movement. It’s still another to advocate exercising Second Amendment rights on your political opponents if your Cult de Tea doesn’t get its way. But this, this is a national outrage…

Delaware GOP Senate hopeful, Christine O’Donnell, is … against … (wait for it) … masturbation.

It’s, “lusting in your heart,” dontcha know. The same as adultery. A mortal sin committed directly against God and whatever imaginary playmate you’re watching on your internal DVD player. You know, the same God that John Ensign, Newt Gingrich, and any number of other sinners of both parties insultingly slapped in the gob when they committed actual adultery.

I wonder if it’s masturbatory adultery if you lust after your spouse. Is it any different if you lust after your same sex partner? How about some heavy petting with that golden retriever next door? – but I digress.

Her charge must be true. Moose Mama, Sarah Palin, has endorsed O’Donnell and if there was ever a masturbation expert, it’s Moosilini. After all, back when she was just a shrill harpy of a Wasilla housewife, she had a witch doctor cast aside her demons. While he was casting out the demons, he surely must’ve gone after those impure thoughts she had about the First Dood and those hunky snowmobile racers he’s always binging home.

In a world chock full of distasteful and awful things it’s hard to imagine a world without a little pud-polishin’ or nub-rubbin’. I assume Christine’s against drinking and drugs, so that leaves one’s only relief at church – where the priests or pastors are too busy twiddling kids and church secretaries  to busy themselves with something so distracting as prayer or comfort to their fellow sinners.

And the Imams? Just forget about them. Who knows what depravity they and their honey-drunk, next-life virgins get up to?

Denigrating masturbation is like burning the flag. Both are revered symbols of our nation. They even have similar Constitutional roots. The First Amendment guarantees free speech (of which flag burning has been found to be) and I can tell you from personal experience that speech flowing from the throes of lust is very free, if not a bit dirty in a boom chicka wow wow sort of way.

When will these constant threats to our personal freedoms end? It seems like O’Donnell wants to start a War on Christmas Whacking or something. All America needs are a few good death panels and some Johnson’s Baby Oil to retain our title of World’s Only Superpower. Our country’s strength is in its national groin.  A groin strong enough to stand up to the sexually repressed Taliban, those filthy gays, and those few who enjoy a little pony play (NSFW) from time to time.

As I write this post, I’m looking at pictures of both Christine and Sarah, trying to divine what drives their lunacy. It seems that …

“You know, that prim schoolmarm vibe they both have is kind of attractive. Hmm, I never noticed that before. Those smiles. Those sexy glasses. The snappy tight, but not too tight, clothing and the come-hither winks. They’re babes. I’d hit that in a New York minute if …”

OH CRAP! I’ve committed virtual adultery!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

To Beat or Not to Beat, For O’Donnell There is No Question

It’s one thing to burn a Quran. It’s another when a cracker like Glenn Beck claims to take back the civil rights movement. It’s still another to advocate exercising Second Amendment rights on your political opponents if your Cult de Tea doesn’t get its way. But this, this is a national outrage…

Delaware GOP Senate hopeful, Christine O’Donnell, is … against … (wait for it) … masturbation.

It’s, “lusting in your heart,” dontcha know. The same as adultery. A mortal sin committed directly against God and whatever imaginary playmate you’re watching on your internal DVD player. You know, the same God that John Ensign, Newt Gingrich, and any number of other sinners of both parties insultingly slapped in the gob when they committed actual adultery.

I wonder if it’s masturbatory adultery if you lust after your spouse. Is it any different if you lust after your same sex partner? How about some heavy petting with that golden retriever next door? – but I digress.

Her charge must be true. Moose Mama, Sarah Palin, has endorsed O’Donnell and if there was ever a masturbation expert, it’s Moosilini. After all, back when she was just a shrill harpy of a Wasilla housewife, she had a witch doctor cast aside her demons. While he was casting out the demons, he surely must’ve gone after those impure thoughts she had about the First Dood and those hunky snowmobile racers he’s always binging home.

In a world chock full of distasteful and awful things it’s hard to imagine a world without a little pud-polishin’ or nub-rubbin’. I assume Christine’s against drinking and drugs, so that leaves one’s only relief at church – where the priests or pastors are too busy twiddling kids and church secretaries  to busy themselves with something so distracting as prayer or comfort to their fellow sinners.

And the Imams? Just forget about them. Who knows what depravity they and their honey-drunk, next-life virgins get up to?

Denigrating masturbation is like burning the flag. Both are revered symbols of our nation. They even have similar Constitutional roots. The First Amendment guarantees free speech (of which flag burning has been found to be) and I can tell you from personal experience that speech flowing from the throes of lust is very free, if not a bit dirty in a boom chicka wow wow sort of way.

When will these constant threats to our personal freedoms end? It seems like O’Donnell wants to start a War on Christmas Whacking or something. All America needs are a few good death panels and some Johnson’s Baby Oil to retain our title of World’s Only Superpower. Our country’s strength is in its national groin.  A groin strong enough to stand up to the sexually repressed Taliban, those filthy gays, and those few who enjoy a little pony play (NSFW) from time to time.

As I write this post, I’m looking at pictures of both Christine and Sarah, trying to divine what drives their lunacy. It seems that …

“You know, that prim schoolmarm vibe they both have is kind of attractive. Hmm, I never noticed that before. Those smiles. Those sexy glasses. The snappy tight, but not too tight, clothing and the come-hither winks. They’re babes. I’d hit that in a New York minute if …”

OH CRAP! I’ve committed virtual adultery!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Why is August Always a Bad Month For Barack Obama?

Remember this August, and what a terrible month it was for President Barack Obama? Remember the town hall meetings, progress stymied on health care, and falling approval ratings?

It seems that every August is a tough month for President Barack Obama. Last August Republican nominee John McCain was slowly cutting into Mr. Obama’s lead, mocking him as a celebrity and “the one.” By the middle of September, Senator McCain would take a lead in polls – albeit not for long.

The August before that, Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton was ahead by double-digits in national polls. Barack Obama’s campaign was on its heels everywhere – journalists were buying her campaign’s theme of inevitability, while Mrs. Clinton outperformed the Illinois senator in debate after debate.

In August 2000, Obama was deciding to challenge Congressman Bobby Rush for Illinois’s first congressional district. The next month he announced his candidacy, in a race he would go on to lose 2-1.

And in August 2004, conservative Republican Alan Keyes announced his…Actually, let’s not go there.

It appears that, barring the Alan Keyes example, August is just a bad month for our president. One wonders what terrors next August will bring. And the one after that.

--Inoljt, http://mypolitikal.com/

False Apologies

Crossposted from Left Toon Lane, Bilerico Project& My Left Wing


click to enlarge
Yesterday Joe Wilson did not fail to entertain again. He emitted several apologies that really weren't. In one interview he claims the GOP leadership told him to apologize, it wasn't something that came from his heart. Now he claims he is sorry but wants people to send him money.

His false apology was never in response for being wrong. He wrongfully claims that the health care bill offers insurance to illegal immigrants when in fact it has a section devoted to denying health care insurance to illegal immigrants. So if you read his apologies, he only apologies for his behavior and not about being out of touch, willfully ignorant and plain-assed wrong.

So in that spirit, I give you today's strip!

P.S. No one really complained.

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The Wingnut View Of Reality

Crossposted from Left Toon Lane, Bilerico Project& My Left Wing


click to enlarge

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Diaries

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