Bryan Fischer: Talking the God Talk Not Walking the God Walk

The American Family Association’s resident knothead, Bryan Fischer, is no stranger to controversy. His claims are so odd and his beliefs so narrow, I can never quite decide if he’s a run of the mill crapweasel or an exceptionally smooth manipulator of his flock’s built-in fears and prejudices. Either way, he’s quite convincing. I guess I’ll stick with the former and not the latter. So it’s settled, he’s a run of the mill crapweasel.

Fischer posits in a recent blog post that, “poverty has won”. I’m actually with him on that one. Any random chart about the rapidly growing gap between the haves and have nots is clear on that point – even for a man with the perception of your average tree stump. However, its Fischer’s interpretation of those random charts that’s so troubling and his prescriptions so off the mark.

In Fischer’s eyes, poverty is a wacky sort of socialist plot, “We need more people in public office who think like Christ and fewer people who think like Karl Marx,” he advises. I’m with him there too and I’m an atheist!

However, if he’s not so hot on Karl, he’s even less so on African-Americans in a decidedly less than Christian way.

Suckling the Government Tit
Fischer says welfare has trashed the African-American family with incentives for literally screwing like rabbits to glom onto the juicy, government tit. “It’s no wonder we are now awash in the disastrous social consequences of people who rut like rabbits,” he said. According to him, the bunnies should be getting married instead.

Fischer knows whence he speaks about marriage. He knows that homosexuals can’t do it lest the Republic fall. He knows wives should always obey and submit to their husbands. He knows that BJs do not a good marriage make. And the married darkies? They’re just raising Easter bunnies in the hood to steal tax dollars.

But unlike his unparalleled knowledge of marriage, the Assistant Messiah™ doesn’t know sh*t from shinola about the rest of the world.

Bryan, just a few notes for your sleeve the next time you take the Holier Than Thou Grad School test. Don’t worry, a little cheating is OK as long as it’s for Jesus – it’s the 11th Commandment, “It be OK for the holy to use crib notes.”

Many of those rutters are married rabbits – the straight ones anyway. They went down to the local padre and tied the knot. And wouldn’t you know it, the next day their poverty parted like the befouled Red Sea. Go ahead, ask one. He’ll tell you all about it.

And it’s not just the blacks Bryan. All white people are pious and married and full of the bounty of Christ, if you can call their poverty a bounty. And the brown folk? Why all of them are in the running to helm ConAgra instead of just pick veggies for them. Damn, how that God stuff works! You think blacks are just like all the other poor people except even more so – an impediment to the spread of the gospel and tax cuts.

I’m going out on a limb here, but I’d wager he knows as much about poverty as he does about Jesus, which is to say not much. On the other hand, I know a little something about it.

My grandparents lived in abject poverty. Without exaggeration, their house looked like Snuffy Smith’s. The only advantage it had over a cardboard box was a deed somewhere. It left them free to use the back room for kindling, which is exactly what they did one particularly bad winter. Freezing isn’t much of an option when you can’t get out in hip-deep snow to chop wood. They probably used the deed to start the fire too. Yet my grandparents were married, one grueling day after another for nearly 50 years. And poverty was an unwelcome house guest for every damn one of them.

Controlling Asscakes Like You
Oh BTW, they were white. And they faithfully went to church. And they prayed many times a day, but God must’ve been busy trying to control asscakes like you.

They didn’t take a dime of the government’s money – partly because they were too uneducated to figure out how. Yet, they plugged along, rutted some, and ate the rabbit for dinner, because what they hunted wasn’t for sport. It was what saved them from starvation – no miraculous 3 loaves and fishes for them, just a gruelish stew of rabbit sans loaves (because they couldn’t afford flour) and fishes (because the streams were all toxic from unregulated coal mines).

Do some African-American families choose to let their families go all to hell? Yup, but so do whites and Latinos and even members of churches. However, many of them are married and the problem persists. Just as many aren’t married, but somehow manage to do right by their families despite bigger obstacles than the AFA braves over a 3-martini lunch with a grifter politician who prefers to buy votes than work for them. And they do it with a little help from Uncle Sam. That seems like a fair trade for companies working some poor bastard to death at 3 jobs because there isn’t anything else. Just a little unexpected, indirect corporate welfare.

Should people who have abandoned their families man-up and take responsibility? YES! Will poverty for most of them stop by following your golden rules, don’t bet on it.

See Bryan, poverty knows no color. It’s an equal opportunity scourge. Growling bellies know no race.  Red or yellow, black or white, poverty is poverty. Perhaps you’d do well to remember the last line of the little ditty:

“Jesus loves the little children of the world.”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

Bryan Fischer: Talking the God Talk Not Walking the God Walk

The American Family Association’s resident knothead, Bryan Fischer, is no stranger to controversy. His claims are so odd and his beliefs so narrow, I can never quite decide if he’s a run of the mill crapweasel or an exceptionally smooth manipulator of his flock’s built-in fears and prejudices. Either way, he’s quite convincing. I guess I’ll stick with the former and not the latter. So it’s settled, he’s a run of the mill crapweasel.

Fischer posits in a recent blog post that, “poverty has won”. I’m actually with him on that one. Any random chart about the rapidly growing gap between the haves and have nots is clear on that point – even for a man with the perception of your average tree stump. However, its Fischer’s interpretation of those random charts that’s so troubling and his prescriptions so off the mark.

In Fischer’s eyes, poverty is a wacky sort of socialist plot, “We need more people in public office who think like Christ and fewer people who think like Karl Marx,” he advises. I’m with him there too and I’m an atheist!

However, if he’s not so hot on Karl, he’s even less so on African-Americans in a decidedly less than Christian way.

Suckling the Government Tit
Fischer says welfare has trashed the African-American family with incentives for literally screwing like rabbits to glom onto the juicy, government tit. “It’s no wonder we are now awash in the disastrous social consequences of people who rut like rabbits,” he said. According to him, the bunnies should be getting married instead.

Fischer knows whence he speaks about marriage. He knows that homosexuals can’t do it lest the Republic fall. He knows wives should always obey and submit to their husbands. He knows that BJs do not a good marriage make. And the married darkies? They’re just raising Easter bunnies in the hood to steal tax dollars.

But unlike his unparalleled knowledge of marriage, the Assistant Messiah™ doesn’t know sh*t from shinola about the rest of the world.

Bryan, just a few notes for your sleeve the next time you take the Holier Than Thou Grad School test. Don’t worry, a little cheating is OK as long as it’s for Jesus – it’s the 11th Commandment, “It be OK for the holy to use crib notes.”

Many of those rutters are married rabbits – the straight ones anyway. They went down to the local padre and tied the knot. And wouldn’t you know it, the next day their poverty parted like the befouled Red Sea. Go ahead, ask one. He’ll tell you all about it.

And it’s not just the blacks Bryan. All white people are pious and married and full of the bounty of Christ, if you can call their poverty a bounty. And the brown folk? Why all of them are in the running to helm ConAgra instead of just pick veggies for them. Damn, how that God stuff works! You think blacks are just like all the other poor people except even more so – an impediment to the spread of the gospel and tax cuts.

I’m going out on a limb here, but I’d wager he knows as much about poverty as he does about Jesus, which is to say not much. On the other hand, I know a little something about it.

My grandparents lived in abject poverty. Without exaggeration, their house looked like Snuffy Smith’s. The only advantage it had over a cardboard box was a deed somewhere. It left them free to use the back room for kindling, which is exactly what they did one particularly bad winter. Freezing isn’t much of an option when you can’t get out in hip-deep snow to chop wood. They probably used the deed to start the fire too. Yet my grandparents were married, one grueling day after another for nearly 50 years. And poverty was an unwelcome house guest for every damn one of them.

Controlling Asscakes Like You
Oh BTW, they were white. And they faithfully went to church. And they prayed many times a day, but God must’ve been busy trying to control asscakes like you.

They didn’t take a dime of the government’s money – partly because they were too uneducated to figure out how. Yet, they plugged along, rutted some, and ate the rabbit for dinner, because what they hunted wasn’t for sport. It was what saved them from starvation – no miraculous 3 loaves and fishes for them, just a gruelish stew of rabbit sans loaves (because they couldn’t afford flour) and fishes (because the streams were all toxic from unregulated coal mines).

Do some African-American families choose to let their families go all to hell? Yup, but so do whites and Latinos and even members of churches. However, many of them are married and the problem persists. Just as many aren’t married, but somehow manage to do right by their families despite bigger obstacles than the AFA braves over a 3-martini lunch with a grifter politician who prefers to buy votes than work for them. And they do it with a little help from Uncle Sam. That seems like a fair trade for companies working some poor bastard to death at 3 jobs because there isn’t anything else. Just a little unexpected, indirect corporate welfare.

Should people who have abandoned their families man-up and take responsibility? YES! Will poverty for most of them stop by following your golden rules, don’t bet on it.

See Bryan, poverty knows no color. It’s an equal opportunity scourge. Growling bellies know no race.  Red or yellow, black or white, poverty is poverty. Perhaps you’d do well to remember the last line of the little ditty:

“Jesus loves the little children of the world.”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

Outbreak of Wikis is a Homo Plot

Everyone knows The Gays are the root of all evil because the Bible tells us so. God compels Westboro Baptist Church to picket funerals that have nothing to do with gayosity. In California, God commanded a DMV clerk to access private records to mail anti-gay literature to a transgendered citizen. And Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association’s head of issues analysis ties Bradley Manning – the soldier who may be responsible for the world’s largest leak of wikis – to smite-worthy gaydom.

Of course Fischer’s take is nothing unusual. In the past, he’s equated gay sex with domestic terrorism (apparently foreign terrorists are only heathen Muslims, but never gay ones), called for the euthanization of grizzly bears, and advocated criminalization of homo sex with mandatory reparative therapy and if that fails, execution.

Way to hate the sin, love the sinner there Bry.

It’s not that it’s scary this ass cake says such loathsome and offensive things, it’s that many people actually side with the nut. It’s not that conservative politicians sometimes support him, but that their Prop. 8 marriages of convenience tie them to the crackpot thereby forcing independents and more liberal Republicans to either desert the party or go along for the sake of the party and enable a swing farther toward the lunatic fringe and away from common sense conservative ideals.

It’s tempting to say Christians who think he’s a crapweasel denounce him, just as Christians think Muslims should denounce their crackpots too.  Just writing off the addle-brained ninny is tempting too. After all, he calls enough attention to his bigotry without any help, regularly reminding the rest of the public just what a  jughead he is. But, it is tempting to hunt the bastard and his ilk down and give them a taste of their own savage medicine.

However, the rest of us are sentient beings who’d never dream of doing unto others what Fischer does to them.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Outbreak of Wikis is a Homo Plot

Everyone knows The Gays are the root of all evil because the Bible tells us so. God compels Westboro Baptist Church to picket funerals that have nothing to do with gayosity. In California, God commanded a DMV clerk to access private records to mail anti-gay literature to a transgendered citizen. And Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association’s head of issues analysis ties Bradley Manning – the soldier who may be responsible for the world’s largest leak of wikis – to smite-worthy gaydom.

Of course Fischer’s take is nothing unusual. In the past, he’s equated gay sex with domestic terrorism (apparently foreign terrorists are only heathen Muslims, but never gay ones), called for the euthanization of grizzly bears, and advocated criminalization of homo sex with mandatory reparative therapy and if that fails, execution.

Way to hate the sin, love the sinner there Bry.

It’s not that it’s scary this ass cake says such loathsome and offensive things, it’s that many people actually side with the nut. It’s not that conservative politicians sometimes support him, but that their Prop. 8 marriages of convenience tie them to the crackpot thereby forcing independents and more liberal Republicans to either desert the party or go along for the sake of the party and enable a swing farther toward the lunatic fringe and away from common sense conservative ideals.

It’s tempting to say Christians who think he’s a crapweasel denounce him, just as Christians think Muslims should denounce their crackpots too.  Just writing off the addle-brained ninny is tempting too. After all, he calls enough attention to his bigotry without any help, regularly reminding the rest of the public just what a  jughead he is. But, it is tempting to hunt the bastard and his ilk down and give them a taste of their own savage medicine.

However, the rest of us are sentient beings who’d never dream of doing unto others what Fischer does to them.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Voting Out the Constitution

People usually remember the 1960s as a time of great strife over civil rights. If you were alive back in the day, the images of police dogs ripping into lines of civil rights marchers or white-sheeted thugs dancing around a burning cross is still a chilling thing and proof that America was indeed going through wrenching social change.

Many would also like to believe that the country has made great strides in the interim, and we have. But, there’s more to accomplish and the nation now finds itself spending much of its energy on fighting to simply hold onto the advances already made. Civil rights advancement is now threatened by organizations and morally dishonest politicians bent on carrying us back to 1864.

Yesterday’s decision to strike down California’s Prop 8 anti-gay marriage law was sound. The judge did an impressive job of listing all the factual and legal reasons – 80 in all – showing that the law is unconstitutional. A improvement to celebrate, but also an event that highlights anti-civil rights crudaders’ thinking.

Tim Wildmon of the sarcastically named American Family Association reacted with shocking vitriol, calling the court’s decision, “a tyrannical, abusive and utterly unconstitutional display of judicial arrogance.”

Wildmon Is Has a Queer Notion
Wildmon believes one of the principles at stake is ignoring the California voters, which he sees as unconstitutional. In doing so, Wildmon – who uses the 10th Amendment as a fig leaf himself – introduces the queer notion that the Constitution is up for a vote whenever you don’t like what it says.

Similar to the rabble rousing for amending the 14th Amendment in the immigration battle, what Wildmon is proposing is that the Constitution – designed to be difficult to amend – should change to bend to the will of the latest ideological blowhard to come on the scene.

Mr. Wildmon, I ask you…if Californians voted to outlaw heterosexual marriage would you express the same fondness to the validity of their vote?

Wildmon also believes the “tyrannical and abusive”, Bush-the-Elder-appointed, judge should have recused himself from the case.

“It’s also extremely problematic that Judge Walker is a practicing homosexual himself, ” Wildmon said. “He should have recused himself from this case, because his judgment is clearly compromised by his own sexual proclivity.”

What I find “problematic” about Wildmon’s charge is that he is exhibiting his  own “proclivity” to act as a heterosexual, homophobic, quasi-religious leader. In other words – or more correctly Wildmon’s – “[Wildmon] should have recused himself from this case, because his judgment is clearly compromised by his own sexual [and religious] proclivity.”

I suspect the only judge Wildmon would find acceptable is an ordained Christian minister with a demonstrated track record of ignoring the Constitution in favor of a Christian Sharia-like theocracy – or a teabagger – whichever pinhead stepped forward first.

Americans are becoming increasingly unfamiliar with the basic tennents of the Constitution.They apparently believe that any hot head’s cause can simply be enacted by a simple vote. The Constitution is not the “McConstitution”. You can’t vote cheeseburgers off the menu because you don’t like them.

They believe that if there is a “war” on, the President, under no one’s authority other than his own, is permitted to suspend the Constitution’s guarantees against warrantless search or to hold prisoners indefinitely without charge.

Many Americans believe that the Constitution guarantees them freedom of religion, but also support depriving anyone other than Christians (they’re aren’t too hot on the Catholics either) of their similar freedom. Don’t like mosques too close to your shrine? Protest and file suit as Pat Robertson’s minions have done, but don’t be honest enough to mention that if it had been a Christian church you would’ve been praising the idea like it came from, well, God.

From Constitutional Ignorance, Instability Flows
From Constitutional ignorance, great instability flows. Unfortunately, those with such beliefs fail to see the unintended blow back from their muddled position.

Teabaggers and their similar-thinking ilk, like to wear tri-cornered hats and screech about keeping Big Gummint off their backs. If allowing someone to marry the person of their choosing is too much government involvement, then why isn’t government being on a gay person’s back equally bad?

Bush the Lesser did much to chip away at many civil rights during his reign and in areas like the conduct of our misbegotten wars and gay rights,  The Messiah™ continues walking the same swampy path.

One day, the blow back from their actions will come to haunt them and the people who cheered them. One day an administration will take office that isn’t so tolerant of their cavalier positions and decides to warrantlessly tap their phones, close their churches, or collect deep background on twerps like Wildmon.

And when they do, they’ll claim the same Constitutional protections because they changed the Constitution to allow it.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

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