Michele Bachmann: Bikini or Nude?

It seems Michele Bachmann made a big splash at the Republican debates when she formally threw her hat into the ring. But, many of her supporters may have wished she’d thrown her panties in instead.

Within minutes of the debates ending, I noticed a large and growing spike in searches leading to my blog, The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! I didn’t think much about it, but when I checked more closely on Tuesday morning, I found almost 400 people had already ended up at Speaks! before 5 am by searching for “michele bachmann bikini”. As of noon today, we’re up to 950 hits with no end in sight.

That people search for the Minnesota beach babe isn’t particularly unusual. I’ve gotten steady traffic off her since I posted Michele Bachmann Thinks Obama Has a God Problem. That post contained a Photoshopped photo of Bachmann’s head atop a well-endowed body. She even holding a large automatic weapon just to tempt her Second Amendment followers.

What is unusual is that not once in the thousands of searches since that post debuted has anyone searched for photos of her nude. Considering another of my site’s top search terms is “marge simpson porn”, that  factoid sticks out. Even more surprising when learning the folks looking for Marge and Homer in flagranti are overwhelmingly from the most repressive Muslim countries.

In other words, Bachmaniacs are looking for relatively demure photos of a semi-real, trim, Minnesota soccer mom is a swimsuit, but people in even more repressed societies are going for full-on cartoon on cartoon sex (apologies to Rick Santorum).

I think it’s safe to say that most Bachmann followers are a little to the right … well, maybe far right … oh, who the hell are we kidding? They’ve gone so far right they’ve almost completed the circle and are closing in on Obama’s left. They’re pretty straight-laced. It’s an uber-evangelical crowd. Pat Robertson is a liberal to the Michelicans. They’re the core anti-gay marriage, have sex only for procreation, Planned Parenthood funding stripper cabal.

Could it be they’re so repressed they can’t allow themselves the pleasure of seeing an admittedly handsome MILF in her all together? Do they get a thrill when switching fantasies from  Michele in June Cleaver pearls and Republican cloth coat to a senior member of the Swedish Bikini Team? Is that just enough, but not too much temptation? Do they fear they’ll have to join Weiner’s wiener in therapy if they choose God-endowed skin over a Minnesota overcoat?

What does the gay-fearing Missus think about it? Does she see Michele as the Devil‘s Temptress come to steal her man or tempt him into a wide stance in the wrong public toilet? Are Daddy’s impure thoughts the same as a disgusting Congressoconstituent tete a tete with her church deacon hubby?

And when you compare these sex-addled, but demure searchers for skin to their Muslim counterparts, why is one repressed Devil’s spawn so much less repressed given the opportunity to gaze on the Minnesota Mom anonymously and privately? Could it be those evil 72 Virgins at work? Vile harpies!

There is a final solution to this unholy masturbation fantasy though, “Lock ‘em all up in FEMA concentration camps.”

Well helloooo new search phrase!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Michele Bachmann: Bikini or Nude?

It seems Michele Bachmann made a big splash at the Republican debates when she formally threw her hat into the ring. But, many of her supporters may have wished she’d thrown her panties in instead.

Within minutes of the debates ending, I noticed a large and growing spike in searches leading to my blog, The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! I didn’t think much about it, but when I checked more closely on Tuesday morning, I found almost 400 people had already ended up at Speaks! before 5 am by searching for “michele bachmann bikini”. As of noon today, we’re up to 950 hits with no end in sight.

That people search for the Minnesota beach babe isn’t particularly unusual. I’ve gotten steady traffic off her since I posted Michele Bachmann Thinks Obama Has a God Problem. That post contained a Photoshopped photo of Bachmann’s head atop a well-endowed body. She even holding a large automatic weapon just to tempt her Second Amendment followers.

What is unusual is that not once in the thousands of searches since that post debuted has anyone searched for photos of her nude. Considering another of my site’s top search terms is “marge simpson porn”, that  factoid sticks out. Even more surprising when learning the folks looking for Marge and Homer in flagranti are overwhelmingly from the most repressive Muslim countries.

In other words, Bachmaniacs are looking for relatively demure photos of a semi-real, trim, Minnesota soccer mom is a swimsuit, but people in even more repressed societies are going for full-on cartoon on cartoon sex (apologies to Rick Santorum).

I think it’s safe to say that most Bachmann followers are a little to the right … well, maybe far right … oh, who the hell are we kidding? They’ve gone so far right they’ve almost completed the circle and are closing in on Obama’s left. They’re pretty straight-laced. It’s an uber-evangelical crowd. Pat Robertson is a liberal to the Michelicans. They’re the core anti-gay marriage, have sex only for procreation, Planned Parenthood funding stripper cabal.

Could it be they’re so repressed they can’t allow themselves the pleasure of seeing an admittedly handsome MILF in her all together? Do they get a thrill when switching fantasies from  Michele in June Cleaver pearls and Republican cloth coat to a senior member of the Swedish Bikini Team? Is that just enough, but not too much temptation? Do they fear they’ll have to join Weiner’s wiener in therapy if they choose God-endowed skin over a Minnesota overcoat?

What does the gay-fearing Missus think about it? Does she see Michele as the Devil‘s Temptress come to steal her man or tempt him into a wide stance in the wrong public toilet? Are Daddy’s impure thoughts the same as a disgusting Congressoconstituent tete a tete with her church deacon hubby?

And when you compare these sex-addled, but demure searchers for skin to their Muslim counterparts, why is one repressed Devil’s spawn so much less repressed given the opportunity to gaze on the Minnesota Mom anonymously and privately? Could it be those evil 72 Virgins at work? Vile harpies!

There is a final solution to this unholy masturbation fantasy though, “Lock ‘em all up in FEMA concentration camps.”

Well helloooo new search phrase!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Paul Broun: The Sugar Plum Tea Bagger

The average American’s concept of government workers is that they lounge all day on comfy divans while being fanned by servants who peel grapes in return for fabulous riches and a retirement plan bigger than Bill Gates’. Oh, and they have guaranteed lifetime employment and don’t have to pay taxes either.

In other words, with the taxpayers all snug in their beds, visions of fairy tales dance in their heads.

Government Slackers
Where do the fairy tales come from? Why, from people like Tea Bagging, “Stupidest Member of Congress” nominee Rep. Paul Broun. In his words:

“We’ve got to stop the outrageous spending that’s going on. We hear the CBO says, well if we don’t raise the debt limit, it’s going to put so many people out of work. I don’t remember the number, I think it’s 250,000 or something, are gonna be put out of work. Well, those are gonna be government employees that are put out of work.

There aren’t many people who’d argue cuts are unneeded. Private sector workers – who apparently have “real jobs” -  are losing them, unlike their company’s top executives. It’s only fair that true inefficiencies in government be rooted out and with it, unfortunately, their jobs. Sharing the pain at moments like this can’t be helped.

However, choosing the “250,000 or something” candidates based on the assumption they’re goldbrickers is arrogant as hell. Who exactly are these people and does Broun know one damn thing about them or their jobs? Well, if he can’t remember whether there are 2 or 250,000 lazy government sponges it seems he’s maybe a little fuzzy on the details.

Broun apparently thinks cutting government is easy – as easy as pulling out his trusty chainsaw and going all Paul Bunyan on it. He could come up with the whole deal by simply cutting the military. They have 3 million troops, what could be easier? Hey, needlessly getting your ass shot off to protect some crapulent Afghan thieves and Congressional goobers is about as cushy a federal job there is. Just ask the troops. But, make sure they’re unarmed first.

DIY Flowbeeing
What about the personal Congressional staffers and Capitol police? We can do without them. I don’t have a staff and still have enough time to watch Broun embarrass himself on C-SPAN. Hey, just for good measure lets can the Capitol barbers and lazy ass Congressional Dining Room staff too. I’m sure Broun’s hoi polloi would be more than agreeable to Flowbeeing their own hair, bussing their own tables, and washing their own dishes. They might even have enough time to take calls from lobbyists when they’re done with their effortless tasks.

But perhaps the greatest savings would be to cut just one supremely indolent government employee. I believe his name is Paul Broun. The savings on his perks, free healthcare, and better than private sector pension could finance the Global War of Error for about 6 minutes. His free franking privileges are probably worth a couple thousand, easy. Besides, he and his cronies have control of the purse strings and are clearly honest enough to make these mandatory cuts. I trust ‘em, don’t you?

I know it’s a lot to ask of politicians these days, particularly one bagging so much tea the Lipton Tea Taster would get a hard-on, but could they please understand what they’re saying before they say it? I imagine government employees would really appreciate it.

And, so would the rest of us.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

 

Rising GOP Star Corrupt?

The FEC has filed a complaint over Republican Florida Congressman Vern Buchanan. MSNBC host Cenk Uygur breaks it down.

 

Why Does Mississippi Vote Republican?

This post will attempt to explain why Mississippi is a Republican stronghold today.

But before doing that, let’s describe another state – call it State X. Looking at State X is very useful for analyzing why Mississippi votes Republican. I invite you to guess what state it is.

Here is a description of State X. Demographically, State X is very rural and very white. There are no major cities in the state; one has to cross state lines and drive more than a hundred miles to find the nearest metropolitan area. Racially, the state is homogeneously white; indeed, it is the second whitest state in the entire nation.

State X has almost always been a one-party stronghold, and that party has generally been the Republican Party. The Republican Party has almost always taken this state’s electoral votes; indeed, it voted for a Republican president for more than a century. State X has only elected one Democratic senator in its entire history.

I am talking, of course, about Vermont.

Despite its history of supporting Republicans, Vermont is currently a one-party Democratic stronghold. In 2008 it gave President Barack Obama 67.5% of the vote. It currently sends Socialist Bernie Sanders to the Senate (in addition to Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy, the only Democrat the Green Mountain state has ever sent to the Senate).

What does this have to do with Mississippi voting Republican?

Well, Vermont and Mississippi almost never vote the same way for president:

Link to Table of Mississippi and Vermont Voting Patterns

Indeed, there are only seven elections out of 48 total (since Mississippi became a state) that the two have supported the same candidate for president: 1820, 1840, 1872, 1972, 1980, 1984, and most recently 1988.

Oftentimes during presidential landslides, Mississippi or Vermont are the only states which refuse to go along with the rest of the country. In 1936 President Franklin D. Roosevelt won an enormous landslide, taking the highest percentage in the electoral vote since the beginning of the two-party system. The only states to go against him? Maine – and Vermont.

In 1964, on the other hand, President Lyndon B. Johnson likewise won a stunning landslide, taking the highest percentage in the popular vote since the beginning of the two-party system. This time, however, it was Mississippi that went against the president.

In 2012, barring an epic meltdown on either the Democratic or Republican nominee, Mississippi will vote Republican and Vermont will vote Democratic. This trend is likely to continue in as far as the eye can see into the future.

It seems that there is just something that drives Mississippi and Vermont different ways. Vermont is a symbol of the Yankee North; Mississippi of the Deep South. Since the founding of America, the two have been culturally and socially at odds. Sometimes this division occurs in trivial ways, such as nasty stereotypes or different voting patterns. Sometimes the division takes on much more significance, most famously in the Civil War.

So to answer the question in the post’s title, Mississippi votes Republican because Vermont votes Democratic. Or, to put it another way, Vermont votes Democratic because Mississippi votes Republican. And as long as presidential elections continue to happen, Mississippi will probably be voting the opposite way of Vermont.

--Inoljt, mypolitikal.com 

 

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