Michele Bachmann: Bikini or Nude?

It seems Michele Bachmann made a big splash at the Republican debates when she formally threw her hat into the ring. But, many of her supporters may have wished she’d thrown her panties in instead.

Within minutes of the debates ending, I noticed a large and growing spike in searches leading to my blog, The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! I didn’t think much about it, but when I checked more closely on Tuesday morning, I found almost 400 people had already ended up at Speaks! before 5 am by searching for “michele bachmann bikini”. As of noon today, we’re up to 950 hits with no end in sight.

That people search for the Minnesota beach babe isn’t particularly unusual. I’ve gotten steady traffic off her since I posted Michele Bachmann Thinks Obama Has a God Problem. That post contained a Photoshopped photo of Bachmann’s head atop a well-endowed body. She even holding a large automatic weapon just to tempt her Second Amendment followers.

What is unusual is that not once in the thousands of searches since that post debuted has anyone searched for photos of her nude. Considering another of my site’s top search terms is “marge simpson porn”, that  factoid sticks out. Even more surprising when learning the folks looking for Marge and Homer in flagranti are overwhelmingly from the most repressive Muslim countries.

In other words, Bachmaniacs are looking for relatively demure photos of a semi-real, trim, Minnesota soccer mom is a swimsuit, but people in even more repressed societies are going for full-on cartoon on cartoon sex (apologies to Rick Santorum).

I think it’s safe to say that most Bachmann followers are a little to the right … well, maybe far right … oh, who the hell are we kidding? They’ve gone so far right they’ve almost completed the circle and are closing in on Obama’s left. They’re pretty straight-laced. It’s an uber-evangelical crowd. Pat Robertson is a liberal to the Michelicans. They’re the core anti-gay marriage, have sex only for procreation, Planned Parenthood funding stripper cabal.

Could it be they’re so repressed they can’t allow themselves the pleasure of seeing an admittedly handsome MILF in her all together? Do they get a thrill when switching fantasies from  Michele in June Cleaver pearls and Republican cloth coat to a senior member of the Swedish Bikini Team? Is that just enough, but not too much temptation? Do they fear they’ll have to join Weiner’s wiener in therapy if they choose God-endowed skin over a Minnesota overcoat?

What does the gay-fearing Missus think about it? Does she see Michele as the Devil‘s Temptress come to steal her man or tempt him into a wide stance in the wrong public toilet? Are Daddy’s impure thoughts the same as a disgusting Congressoconstituent tete a tete with her church deacon hubby?

And when you compare these sex-addled, but demure searchers for skin to their Muslim counterparts, why is one repressed Devil’s spawn so much less repressed given the opportunity to gaze on the Minnesota Mom anonymously and privately? Could it be those evil 72 Virgins at work? Vile harpies!

There is a final solution to this unholy masturbation fantasy though, “Lock ‘em all up in FEMA concentration camps.”

Well helloooo new search phrase!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Michele Bachmann: Bikini or Nude?

It seems Michele Bachmann made a big splash at the Republican debates when she formally threw her hat into the ring. But, many of her supporters may have wished she’d thrown her panties in instead.

Within minutes of the debates ending, I noticed a large and growing spike in searches leading to my blog, The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! I didn’t think much about it, but when I checked more closely on Tuesday morning, I found almost 400 people had already ended up at Speaks! before 5 am by searching for “michele bachmann bikini”. As of noon today, we’re up to 950 hits with no end in sight.

That people search for the Minnesota beach babe isn’t particularly unusual. I’ve gotten steady traffic off her since I posted Michele Bachmann Thinks Obama Has a God Problem. That post contained a Photoshopped photo of Bachmann’s head atop a well-endowed body. She even holding a large automatic weapon just to tempt her Second Amendment followers.

What is unusual is that not once in the thousands of searches since that post debuted has anyone searched for photos of her nude. Considering another of my site’s top search terms is “marge simpson porn”, that  factoid sticks out. Even more surprising when learning the folks looking for Marge and Homer in flagranti are overwhelmingly from the most repressive Muslim countries.

In other words, Bachmaniacs are looking for relatively demure photos of a semi-real, trim, Minnesota soccer mom is a swimsuit, but people in even more repressed societies are going for full-on cartoon on cartoon sex (apologies to Rick Santorum).

I think it’s safe to say that most Bachmann followers are a little to the right … well, maybe far right … oh, who the hell are we kidding? They’ve gone so far right they’ve almost completed the circle and are closing in on Obama’s left. They’re pretty straight-laced. It’s an uber-evangelical crowd. Pat Robertson is a liberal to the Michelicans. They’re the core anti-gay marriage, have sex only for procreation, Planned Parenthood funding stripper cabal.

Could it be they’re so repressed they can’t allow themselves the pleasure of seeing an admittedly handsome MILF in her all together? Do they get a thrill when switching fantasies from  Michele in June Cleaver pearls and Republican cloth coat to a senior member of the Swedish Bikini Team? Is that just enough, but not too much temptation? Do they fear they’ll have to join Weiner’s wiener in therapy if they choose God-endowed skin over a Minnesota overcoat?

What does the gay-fearing Missus think about it? Does she see Michele as the Devil‘s Temptress come to steal her man or tempt him into a wide stance in the wrong public toilet? Are Daddy’s impure thoughts the same as a disgusting Congressoconstituent tete a tete with her church deacon hubby?

And when you compare these sex-addled, but demure searchers for skin to their Muslim counterparts, why is one repressed Devil’s spawn so much less repressed given the opportunity to gaze on the Minnesota Mom anonymously and privately? Could it be those evil 72 Virgins at work? Vile harpies!

There is a final solution to this unholy masturbation fantasy though, “Lock ‘em all up in FEMA concentration camps.”

Well helloooo new search phrase!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Married Women Abort for Secret Desire to Make Lesbians Equal

As a former Virginian, I’m all too aware of the asshatery that is Pat Robertson. I once lived a short distance from his colonial palace cum religious law school and occasionally saw some of his on-air “journalists” at the local Farm Fresh. I knew of him when Jim and Tammy Bakker were still producing a kids show starring gospel-spewing puppets (real puppets, not the marionettes that watch CBN). And I’ve followed his frightening career as he prayed away hurricanes and claimed the storms were God’s vengeance on Walt Disney World’s Gay Days.

His latest crusade against the Thundering Herd of Queerosity is a rip-roaring fantasy – aborting babies as a way to “level the playing field” for lesbians. He claims to speak directly with God on the celestial hotline daily, but this is more proof that God really should get a better PR man to service his temporal account.

As with all Robertsonian screeds, he fails in the simple logic his “God” bestowed on humans. Clearly the daily conversations with the Big Kahuna aren’t nearly often enough.

Ether of the Gods
In his latest jaunt into the non-secular ether – ether which is apparently copiously pumped into the CBN News set – he makes his case for how lesbians would be on a “level field” with straight women.

His level playing field theory is so weak because he is simply unable to step across the aisle to see that women are constitutionally supposed to be on a level playing field, much as the religious can’t be “demoted” because atheists think Christians aren’t worth of a half set of civil rights (I believe that’s the implicit 11th Commandment he’s following here).

Pinhead Pat also contends that, “If a woman is a lesbian, what advantage does she have over a married woman? Or what deficiency does she have?”

“Well, she can’t have children,” his animatronic co-host mews. Pat answers, “And so if these married women don’t have children, if they abort their babies, then that kind of puts them on a level playing field (with lesbians).

Pat buddy, it’s time for your birds and the bees talk. Let us break out our copy of Pat Has Two Mommies which we bought at the last Level Playing Field Bowl.

Your rambling analysis jumps to the conclusion that lesbians can’t have children – “Little Pat, pay attention! Both straight and lesbian women can have children. It happens every day. You really should get out more.”

Sapphic vs. Non-Sapphic Equality
And what’s up with this whole “abortion levels the playing field” concept? If a straight woman gets an abortion does she become a lesbian or a straight woman at 4th and 10 on the 20 yard line? If a lesbian aborts, does she become straight?

And, what’s on this “level playing field” anyway? Equal pay? The right to marry whoever she damn well pleases? Does it take an abortion to make the sapphic and non-sapphic equal in their right to get divorced?  And let’s not forget the gentlemen. If gay men get a geldingoscopy, do they turn straight, or is the other way around?

Just how many lesbians can dance on the tip of your pin head any way?

Pat, I know you’re terrified of many things in life, not the least of which are people who play for the other team. But dammit (Author’s note: The author was careful to adhere to the Third Commandment) Pat, if you’re going to love the sinner and hate the sin by hating both the sinner and the sin, get your story straight. Notwithstanding your belief in Creationism according to the Vlasic pickle stork, hire someone having a nodding acquaintance with the simple biology that deposited you here like a gay turd on our doorstep. It would be money well-spent. Unless, of course, God turns you into a lesbian to level the playing field.

Ouch! That WOULD be embarrassing, wouldn’t it?

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

NPR Planned Parenthood Leaked Memo

A memo was leaked by an NPR station in California regarding pulling Planned Parenthood ads over funding cut concerns. Cenk Uygur and Ana Kasparian break it down.

 

Weekly Audit: Government Shutdown Averted, But At What Cost?

By Lindsay Beyerstein, Media Consortium blogger

Congressional leaders and President Barack Obama reached an eleventh hour budget deal on Friday night, to fund the government for the rest of the 2011 fiscal year and avert a government shutdown for the time being.

The deal would cut about $38 billion, Amy Goodman reports for Democracy Now!, including $13 billion in cuts to the Department of Health, Labor, and Human Services.

John Nichols describes the nuts and bolts of the stopgap plan in The Nation:

The arrangement worked out Friday night averted the threatened shutdown with a two-step process. First, the House and Senate passed a one-week spending bill that addressed the immediate threat. That should give Congress and the White House time to finalize a fiscal 2011 spending deal—on which they have agreed in principle—before an April 15 deadline.

The Republicans will not be allowed to zero out Planned Parenthood. Instead they were allowed a separate, largely symbolic vote, which passed the House, but which is expected to die in the Senate.

Planned Parenthood and ACORN

Nick Baumann of Mother Jones argues that the deal is a case study in the priorities of the Democratic Party. At the last minute, congressional Democrats rallied to save Planned Parenthood. The venerable family planning organization was under fire because of an undercover video sting by Lila Rose, a onetime protegee of conservative propagandist James O’Keefe, who himself pulled a similar stunt against the anti-poverty, pro-voter registration group ACORN in 2009.

O’Keefe’s videos created a media firestorm and Congress rushed to de-fund ACORN with little protest from Democrats. Subsequent independent investigations revealed that the tapes had been deceptively edited. Vindication came too late for ACORN, which was forced to close its doors.

Baumann argues that Democrats spared Planned Parenthood and sacrificed ACORN because ACORN didn’t have friends in the right places:

Abortion rights affect everyone. But to put it bluntly, big Dem donors care a lot more about abortion rights than they do about community organizers in inner cities.

Specious “victory”

In the days leading up to the deal, the media created the expectation that the budget was a game that one party would “win.” Paul Waldman of The American Prospect argues that in his eagerness to declare “victory” in the budget showdown, President Obama is undermining his own political agenda.

It would have been nice if when announcing the budget deal, President Obama had set aside the politician’s natural inclination to declare victory and his own preference for casting himself as the adult who settles things between the squabbling children. He could have said something like this: “The deal we just made is preferable to a government shutdown, which would have been truly disastrous. But nobody should mistake it for anything but the tragedy it is. As a result of the cuts Republicans have forced, people who rely on government services will suffer, and the economy will lose jobs. The Republicans held the government hostage, and we had no choice but to pay the ransom.”

By rushing to champion the spending cuts, Obama may be saving face, but he’s also setting a precedent that will make the next round of cuts even easier. The truth is that Democrats conceded under duress, they didn’t volunteer to cut spending because they thought it would help the country.

Indeed, Democrats agreed to far more cuts than the Republicans initially asked for. Cenk Uygur of the Young Turks argues that the Tea Party and the ostensibly more mainstream Republicans set up a very effective good cop/bad cop negotiating strategy in which the Democrats would offer cuts and the mainstream Republicans would say, “I’d like to help you, really I would, but you know my partner isn’t going to like that.”

Corporate taxes

Joshua Holland of AlterNet explains how corporate American has successfully lobbied to shift an ever-increasing share of its tax burden onto the backs of individual citizens:

Well, consider this: in the 1940s, corporations paid 43 percent of all the federal income taxes collected in this country. In the 1950s, they picked up the tab for 39 percent. But by the time the 1990s rolled around, corporations were paying just 18.9 percent of federal income taxes, and they forked over the same figure in the first decade of this century. We – working people – paid the difference.

Something to think about as we prepare to file our income tax returns.

This post features links to the best independent, progressive reporting about the economy bymembers of The Media Consortium. It is free to reprint. Visit the Audit for a complete list of articles on economic issues, or follow us on Twitter. And for the best progressive reporting on critical economy, environment, health care and immigration issues, check out The MulchThe Pulse and The Diaspora. This is a project of The Media Consortium, a network of leading independent media outlets.

 

 

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