BUSHIES WAGE ULTIMATE WAR ON XMAS -- SANTA SENT TO GUANTANAMO

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

In a bizarre combination of the War on Terror and the War on Christmas, the Bush Administration today canceled this year's Yuletide celebration, after arresting Santa Claus for aiding and abetting terrorism, and designating him as an enemy combatant.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez announced that Old St. Nick had been tracked by the FBI for some time, since he fit the classic terrorist profile: a bearded holy man who took flying lessons, repeatedly entered and left this Country without a passport, and controlled a tightly knit cell of subordinates who manufacture concealed packages - that Santa delivers to his network in the dark of night.

Gonzalez further stated that based on warrantless intercepts of phone calls and emails between the North Pole and Detroit, Michigan, U.S. authorities were able to uncover Santa's "naughty and nice" lists, that implicated him in various Al-Qaeda related activities.

The AG also asserted that the final nail in the jolly fat man's coffin was provided by satellite photos, which caught Osammy kissing Santa Claus.

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=470

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IT'S OFFICIAL: NETWORK DECLARES CIVIL WAR IN IRAQ ... STUDY GROUP

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

In a bold move reminiscent of Walter Cronkite in the Vietnam era, NBC has now officially declared that there is a civil war ... in the Iraq Study Group.

The move was announced by Matt Lauer, who was deemed qualified to opine on the subject, after his intense on-air battles with Tom Cruise.

For many months, the media had been in denial, as they continued to characterize the partisan bickering between Republicans and Democrats on the panel as low-level sectarian strife.

However, recent reports of spitballs and paper airplanes being exchanged between James Baker and Lee Hamilton, the Chair and Co-Chair, respectively, have punctured any pretense of unity.

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=429

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GOP SUES DIEBOLD FOR FAILING TO 'FIX' MIDTERM ELECTIONS

In a lawsuit that legal scholars are calling unprecedented, the Republican National Committee has filed suit against Diebold, the manufacturer of electronic voting machines, for breach of contract, negligence, fraud and breach of fiduciary duty - all arising out of Diebold's failure to "fix" the midterm elections in favor of the GOP.

The 189-page complaint, filed, naturally, in the Southern District of Florida, alleges that "Diebold reneged on its promises to deliver a majority of votes to Republican candidates in 49 states."

A footnote to the complaint explained that "no damages are sought regarding the Communistwealth of Taxachussets, which even elected a black guy as governor; as the GOP acknowledges that Diebold could only be expected to perform its contractual promises, not miracles."

Professor Alan Dershowitz of the Harvard Law School commented that this was the first time he could recall an action being brought against a party for failing to carry out a fraud. "Indeed," Dershowitz added, "it would be like O.J. suing a private investigator for not finding the real killer ... Oops!"

CONTINUED at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=402

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HOMELAND SECURITY DEPT. USED `TERROR-ALERT' CHARTS FROM IRAQ

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

As if the rampant lies and deceptions of the Bush Administration were not already of epic proportions, an anonymous source has told The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh that the terror-alert charts used by the Department of Homeland Security were actually prepared for Iraq.

As recently disclosed by The New York Times, the military has used a color-coded chart to display the growing chaos and civil war in Iraq. The chart, titled "Index of Civil Conflict," shows a color-coded bar with "peace" marked on the left and "chaos" on the right. An arrow puts the current situation inside the red area on the far right, much closer to chaos than peace.

Now, it appears that Karl Rove and company "borrowed" the "Iraq terror charts" to scare the bejesus out of Americans about false domestic terror threats, particularly around election time.

However, many independent experts contend that the Administration's "dual use" of the charts was not particularly misleading. As historian Douglas Brinkley asked, "can you think of a better example of chaos than New Orleans during Katrina?"

CONTINUE READING at: http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=389

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Teddy Roosevelt, Monty Python and politics today.

Theodore Roosevelt once said "Patriotism means to stand by the Country.  It does not mean to stand by the President." I am forced to wonder what Teddy Roosevelt would think of the present holder of his former office.  I am forced to wonder what Teddy Roosevelt would think of his Republican party now.

There is no polite way to say this; it is the lack of leadership, the lack of vision, the lack of compassion, of shame, of humility, of decency exhibited by this President and the Republican Party leadership that finds us embroiled in sex scandals involving inappropriate communications with young boys and the possibility of negligence and cover ups, with a rapidly failing war of choice in Iraq, foreign enemies multiplying like rabbits on Viagra, a deficit climbing into some untold stratosphere, American jobs leaving this country by the truckload and some 46 million citizens without adequate access to healthcare.

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Diaries

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