Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report

By now, you've surely heard about the leak of a 140-page secret dossier laying out Rudy Giuliani's masterplan for a 2008 presidential bid, including aides' concerns about his chief vulnerabilities. But press reports have left out the most explosive revelations contained in this highly confidential document:

10. "Mr. 9/11" sleeps with a Teddy Bear given to him by Bernard Kerik.

9. Rudy's biggest liability with evangelicals: perception of name as "Jew-liani."

8. Rudy's biggest liability in South: not abortion stand, but NY Yankee logo tattooed on ass.

7. Rudy's biggest asset in South: that his first wife was his cousin.


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Lasthorseman's Technology Today!

Trade magazines are in!

First up we have ScenTrak, a small handheld device which actually sniffs out explosive residue and other dangerous volatile compounds.  Yes, even Max, the K9 bomb sniffing dog is being "outsourced".

Next up we have a web site.
I mean we are talking Bond, James Bond type stuff here.  I have the hardcopy catalog.  On page 47 there is a 6 hour digital audio and video recorder that fits in the palm or your hand.  One page 54, for your covert surveillance needs is a sprinkler head camera or if you prefer on page 55 there is an industrial wall clock camera.  And on page 57, the new 5.8 Ghz minilink.

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Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report

In a bizarre combination of the War on Terror and the War on Christmas, the Bush Administration today canceled this year's Yuletide celebration, after arresting Santa Claus for aiding and abetting terrorism, and designating him as an enemy combatant.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez announced that Old St. Nick had been tracked by the FBI for some time, since he fit the classic terrorist profile: a bearded holy man who took flying lessons, repeatedly entered and left this Country without a passport, and controlled a tightly knit cell of subordinates who manufacture concealed packages - that Santa delivers to his network in the dark of night.

Gonzalez further stated that based on warrantless intercepts of phone calls and emails between the North Pole and Detroit, Michigan, U.S. authorities were able to uncover Santa's "naughty and nice" lists, that implicated him in various Al-Qaeda related activities.

The AG also asserted that the final nail in the jolly fat man's coffin was provided by satellite photos, which caught Osammy kissing Santa Claus.


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When Rail CEOs Write a Safety Plan

It's no wonder that the TSA's recommendations for rail security fall short.

"I am not convinced that all of the security gaps plaguing our current hazmat transport system will be filled by this proposal," said Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Miss.

Its chief, Kip Hawley, was a senior executive with Union Pacific.

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Bush's, GOP's Policies Weakening America: Coast Guard Edition

If the reports released by the 9/11 Commission and the Iraq Study Groups were not enough to convince you that the policies of the Bush administration and the Republican Congress are weakening America and diminishing our national security, yet another story, this time from The Washington Post's Renae Merle and Spencer S. Hsu, detailing the lengths to which the unique blend of corruption, cronyism and lack off sufficient oversight that has been fostered under GOP domination of Washington might help you change your mind.

A multibillion-dollar effort to modernize the Coast Guard's fleet has suffered delays, cost increases, design flaws and, most recently, the idling of eight 123-foot patrol boats that were found to be not seaworthy after an $88 million refurbishment.


More broadly, congressional critics warn that early mistakes in the 25-year modernization program, called Deepwater -- the Coast Guard's largest contract ever -- are hobbling the service's transformation into a front-line homeland security force.

With the failure of the retrofitting program, eight of 49 boats in the service's workhorse fleet of Island-class patrol boats are out of action. Coast Guard leaders reported last year that only 25 percent of the aging cutters were fully "mission capable," because of maintenance problems and deployment of some boats to Iraq. In reports submitted to Congress, the Coast Guard projected that the fleet would be able to log about 80 percent of its targeted 98,200 operational hours a year.

Reading through the Merle/Hsu article, which is featured on the front page of Friday's Post, a familiar story line emerges: Republicans in Congress dump a large amount of money into a program that is intended to bolster America's national security apparatus, but as a result of poor planning and an almost complete dearth of oversight, the program moves off track costing countless dollars without actually delivering on the promise to better protect America.

While most in the establishment media are still reluctant to admit it, Republicans just aren't that good at national security. Sure, they're good at posturing and ginning up the fears of the American people, playing on long ago memories of supposedly soft-on-terrorism liberals. But when it comes to the nuts and bolts of making a more secure America, Republicans just aren't that interested. The President and the GOP Congress got us stuck in Iraq. They did not pass many of the 9/11 Commission recommendations. They have yet to do enough to improve rail or port security. They have failed to put in place sufficient protections of chemical and power plants. Now we see that they have effectively gutted the Coast Guard through their actions.

Luckily for Americans, Republicans will soon no longer be in control over Congress. Luckily for the Democratic Party, Democrats will soon have the opportunity to right the wrongs of the Republican Congress, both by enacting much-needed legislation and by providing real oversight, which has been so thoroughly missed in Washington in recent years. The Democrats can change the terms of the debate and finally put to rest the notion that Republicans have the permanent upper hand on the issue of national security.

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