SARAH PALIN IS A LORD OF ENERGY! SPACE! AND TIME!!!
Democrats, or "Demo-RATS" as I tend to hear us called by William Safire's legacy of vast roaming hordes of blog commentators, underestimate Sarah Palin.
We think her claims of rejecting the "Bridge to Nowhere" -- provably false -- make her a liar.
They don't. She did reject it -- and yet got it anyway. We apprecaite this skill when used by Jedis hiding the droids we may or may not be looking for, why not appreciate it from her?
We think claims of her Energy Knowledge are overstated. McCain after all called her the nation's foremost EXPERT on energy. No one in America "knows more about Energy" he said. And it's true! Because she lives in Alaska, where there is oil in the ground. By that measure, she is also an expert on the wily Arctic Fox. But I digress.
Most recently, us Dumb-o-crats have been focusing on the remarkable claim -- made by Cindy McCain and several McCain surrogates -- that Alaska's proximity to Russia makes Palin an EXPERT in foriegn policy.
MOCK NOT! As Palin herself noted to Charlie "Charlie" Gibson, you can even see Russia from Alaska! And in doing so, you don't just become an expert in foriegn policy, but also in Marine Biology, since you can't help but see the ocean inbetween.
But the Liberal Fact-o-nazis point out that, historically, proximity to a nation does not usually equal workable knowledge of that nation. And some are even pushing some kind of biological argument that the human eye is unable to peer past the 54 miles of Bering Strait seperate our 49th state and the world's largest nation is too far for the human eye. So her claim that you can see Russia from Alaska seems to be a somewhat ignorant comment.
But! LEST YOU FORGET -- there are two rocks in the middle of the Straight, straddling the International Dateline. Big Diomede Island and Little Diomede Island. AND THEY ARE THE MIGHTIEST ISLANDS IN THE WORLD!
Alaska -- and the US -- own Little Diomede Island. With less than 200 people living on the Island, Wikipedia says it boasts a school and a store. However Big Diomede Island, or Gvozdev Island, is empty.
Governor Palin did not say she'd visited the little outcropping that is Little Diomede, but she is right. You can see a Russian Island, Big Diomede Island -- which is uninhabited by any actual Russians -- from Alaskan soil.
However, in doing so, because of the International Dateline, you don't just COMMAND THE POWERS OF SPACE to peer across to another continent, or another nation -- but you peer across TIME ITSELF into the very FUTURE!!! Since the Islands are seperated by 23 HOURS!
It's like the Island on LOST only with fewer Polar Bears -- (thanks to Global Warming, which is NOT MAN MADE, DAMMIT, right? Right?)
So, Governor Palin -- you UNDERESTIMATED the very POWERS you wield as GOVERNOR!!!! You're not just an expert in foriegn policy because you can see an empty Russian rock from an Alaskan Island few have ever visited -- you are a TIME LORD, able to GAZE INTO THE VERY GAP BETWEEN ONE DAY AND THE NEXT. PALIN can SEE THE VERY FUTURE OF HUMANKIND!
Can you imagine how this would help her leadership? She'd know a full DAY IN ADVANCE if Russia were to put weapons on an empty island in an attempt to threaten no fewer than 170 people -- who, frankly, would likely welcome the excitement.
To conclude: THE FUTURE! BOW TO PALIN, TAMER OF TIME AND SPACE!!!