NYT introduces Newt's mini-me, Eric Cantor

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A woman, and a Latino and a Jew . . .

(This is a diary for those who enjoy discussing politics and process.  If you're a cheerleader who only wants to hear the rah rah news for your team, please leave.  This will only upset you, and that's not my purpose.)

A woman, a Latino and a Jew.

Whenever you discuss ethnic politics, it sounds like the opening line of some TV comedian's '70's ethnic joke.  And, I'm not saying people automatically vote along ethnic or sexual lines.  But, I'm not saying they don't.

Just look at the numbers.  A woman, a Latino and a Jew.  That's McCain's possible path to victory.

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Progressive Democrat Newsletter Issue 178

Some major developments this week involving corruption and domestic terrorism. Shootings, anthrax, and indictments. I have been talking for quite some time about Republican corruption and Ted Stevens of Alaska is somoene I declared as the most corrupt politician in America. Well, this week he was indicted. I have also been writing for some time about right wing fanatics in government and on talk shows inciting intolerance and violence. Well, we had another example of right wing terrorism in Knoxville, TN, quite possibly inspired by right wing talk shows.

Meanwhile, speculation about who Obama and McCain will pick for the VP spot is is the current rage. Everyone has tips, inside info and rumors to share. Well, I have no idea who either will choose, but one possibility for McCain was mentioned to me that would be interesting: Eric Cantor, Congressman from Virginia who makes Joe Lieberman look liberal. I discuss him this week. I also review my past coverage of Republican election fraud in Florida and Georgia. I am sure we will see the same kind of fraud in both states again this year. Plus I have been trying to flesh out my state-by-state coverage.

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Saxby Chambliss and the "Appeal to Courage"

Saxby Chambliss wasn't able to serve in the military when he had the chance. After all, he had law school to attend. Oh, and he had a bad knee. So some were a bit shocked when Chambliss decided to make a name for himself by question the patriotism of a real patriot, former Congressman Max Cleland who endured a triple amputation following war wounds in Vietnam. No matter that Cleland earned a Silver Star and Bronze Star for valour in combat while Chambliss was sitting safe at home.

Without an ounce of shame, Chambliss is now scheduled to participate in a Veterans of Foreign Wars event where he and a group of other Republicans will be presented with a petition by the organization "Appeal for Courage."

And Saxby Chambliss isn't the only one of this bunch who has displayed Republican Courage.  Also there to receive the petition will be Eric Cantor and Roy Blunt, neither of whom did any military service. In fact, the only two Republicans scheduled to attend that have any record of service are John Boehner who spent six-weeks in the Navy in 1969, and Lindsey Graham whose service was limited to being an Air Force lawyer.

The petition organizers claims to have the signatures of over 2500 active military personnel, but the "petition" is really just a simple web form, and the signatories aren't made public. But even if they really have 2500 signatures, that would only account for about one-tenth of one-percent of America's active military personnel. Heck, it's less than 2 percent of the soldiers currently fighting in Iraq.

I guess these guys have managed to prove one thing, though. Not too many soldiers seem to think that "war in Iraq is a necessary and just effort to bring freedom to the Middle East and protect America from further attack."

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Lawmakers Consider Alternative Plan to Break Budget Impasse

OUCH - A staffer for Speaker of the House John Boehner shows reporters how the sheep will be sacrificed as he leaves budget negotiations at the White House.

Washington – Details of a secret Congressional plan to break the long-standing deadlock in budget negotiations leaked out Thursday. US lawmakers are considering the use of an unorthodox method favored by the Kyrgyzstani Parliament – sacrificial sheep.

Although Kyrgyzstanis use it for banishing the twin devils of ethnic strife and revolution, Kyrgyzstani oil lobbyist Zhogorku Kenesh said the ritual could be redesigned for US budget purposes for as little as KGS 7 billion Kyrgyzstani som and an arranged lesbian marriage of President Obama’s eldest daughter Malia Ann Obama to Kyrgyz President Roza Otunbayeva.

The initial proposal, offered by Republicans, called for 6 sheep to be slaughtered and placed on a huge altar recently dedicated at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum in Simi Valley, CA. However, the proposal immediately met resistance from members of the Republican’s own Christian conservative wing.

“We’re not so bothered by the pagan ritual – after all, it’s for debt reduction and tax incentives for conservative Christian churches – but slaughtering 6 sheep is totally unacceptable,” said Bryan Fischer, Director of Issues Analysis for the American Family Association.

666, The Mark of The Beast
“The number 6 is an important, symbolic number for Christians. It constitutes one-third of the dangerous mark of the beast, 666. By allowing this number of the Muslim devils in this most unholiest of ways, we are inviting doom and total annihilation by one-third of the Islamic radical empire,” Fischer said.

In order to save the fledgling compromise, Sen. Harry Reed (D-Asslandia) stepped forward with a proposal to raise the number of sheep to be slaugtered to 7. However, Tea Party activists in the Republican caucus killed the idea.

The Partiers insist on cutting the sheep budget by 99% and the abolishment of President Obama’s signature health care bill. According to the Republican Institute of Financial Analysis, the sheep cut alone would erase the Federal deficit within 90 days. Republican officials described the Institute’s findings as, “very insightful”.

“We have to watch out for this sort of insidious attack on our freedoms,” said Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-Moronohoma). “First we’ll be required to sacrifice sheep every evening before dinner and once lulled by the aroma of the devilish flesh, carted off to concentration camps operated by the socialist Federal Emergency Management Agency.”

Liberals were equally disappointed with the plan. Broadcaster Rachel Maddow, speaking on condition of anonymity on her news show, floated the idea that all sheep be supplied by local, humane farms that do not use hormones on their animals.

Maddow Touts Sacrificial Celery
“I’m vegetarian, so I’d prefer they sacrifice stalks of celery myself. However, I advocate bipartisanship with those asswipes over at the RNC,” she added. “Anything to make those skeevy bastards look bad.”

Further problems are expected from a Republican-sponsored rider to the bill. Called the “Rich People Are Better Than You Act”, it requires most of the leftover carcasses be distributed to the Top 0.999% of wage earners, along with a $356,000 tax credit just because.

Democrats object to the best meat going to the wealthy, wool-clad elite while only the offal, eyes, and tail are promised to the bottom taxpayers.

The Republican plan calls for middle-income families to pay a 37% tax on all orders of lamb chops or rack of lamb served at the haute Chez Panisse in Berkeley, CA. Democrats also expect Republicans to cut the entitlement after its passage and repossess the sheep parts when low-income families default on their orvis aries windfall. The low-income families will likely be taxed an Offal Abatement Fee of about 69% to cover the costs of removing the left over pig.

With the new proposal already on bumpy footing, Republican lawmakers have called for Newt Gingrich to mediate the ongoing disputes.

“Newt’s the perfect man for the job. Very fair. A very learned man. And, he’s a hell of a Republican,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Sheep Sexingville, VA).

“Not partial in what so any way, except in his strong American belief in the truth,” Cantor added.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

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