(Note: Cross-posted at DailyKos. Always curious to see what the other side thinks.)
I know, I know.
They hate each other. We hate each other. If the other candidate experiences anything other than total, absolute, crushing defeat, we will all sit at home and pout. Or vote for McCain. Or vote for Nader.
The goal, as I think we'd all agree, is to kick McCain's sorry old "War 4 Ever!" ass back into the mid-ages from whence he came.
The reason we can't do that just yet is that we haven't decided who should do it.
I know, I know. Obama. Yes we can. Si se puede. The math. The will of the people. More states, red states, delegates, popular vote.
I know, I know.
(Heck, I personally conceded a week ago.)
There are a handful of states to go. And if the rest of us -- the millions who don't live in Iowa or New Hampshire -- for one glorious primary (or caucus) day, got to feel like our vote really mattered, why should we begrudge our fellow citizens that same joy?
And so this will go on, until every single last one of us has had a say.
Because that is the American way.
But they'll kill each other! And we'll lose to McCain!
I know, I know.
But they don't have to kill each other. And we won't lose to McCain. And this is how:
They run like they are the dream ticket.
They stop running against each other, and start running against McCain together. No more debates with each other; no more negative campaigning against each other. Positive campaigning only.
Obama can talk about the change he wants to bring to America.
Clinton can talk about her practical solutions to fix everything that's been all fucked up for the past seven years.
And they can kick the crap out of John McCain. Together.
But...who is the nominee?
Well, come on.
We all know who that is. Or probably is. But here is what matters:
In the months that follow, the remaining states will get to vote. And they'll get to know both of the Democratic candidates, as they travel and stump and speak about their positive qualities. No more sniping about each other.
(And that means no more surrogate sniping either.)
The remaining states will see the best of what both candidates have to offer as they work together to kick McCain's ass.
The remaining states will vote.
Those votes could be decisive. Obama could blow it out. And even if doesn't, as long as he maintains a strong lead in pledged delegates and popular vote, the superdelegates would be fully justified in choosing him.
And he will thank Hillary Clinton. And he will ask her to run with him, to continue their fight together against John McCain. She might decide to run with him; she might decide to stay in the Senate, to work with him that way to enact the policies they both support. Either way, the Democrats win.
Obama's supporters will not be happy. They will say that Obama doesn't need Clinton, and after the way she's treated him, she can go Cheney herself. It's time for change.
Clinton's supporters will not be happy either. They know that Hillary has the kind of experience and knowledge and determination to be a great president. And she's worked longer and harder than just about any one -- ever -- to get to where she is today. They'll always believe she should have been at the top of that ticket.
But without a tie or lead in pledged delegates and/or the popular vote, that won't happen.
But you know what? We'll deal with it. We'll learn to like it. We'll learn to love it.
We'll remember why we're Democrats. Because we want to get along. We want to work together. We want to include everyone.
We're dirty fucking hippies, damn it. We're liberals.
We're the ones who were right about this stupid war all the way back in 2002.
We're the ones who wanted to believe in our president and our government (and that SOB Colin Powell) because we don't want to be cynical.
We're the ones who think things like health care and education and clear air are important.
We're the ones who don't care who you're having sex with becauseeveryonedoes it.
We're the ones who believe in science and liberty and possibility.
And we're going to beat the crap out of John McCain in November.
Because no matter which one wins the Democratic primary -- Obama or Clinton -- they're going to eat McCain for breakfast. Not even breakfast. A snack. A quick few bites on the go.
Just think about it for a minute...
I'm Barack Obama. I just defeated The Clinton Machine. The frigging Clinton Machine! They threw their best at me, they knocked me around for more than a year, and you know what? I'm still standing. I'm stronger than ever. And now I'm going to kick the crap out of McCain.
I'm Hillary Clinton. I am The Toughest Woman You Will Ever Meet. People have been trying to take me down my whole life. I've worked my ass off; I've had every inch of my life examined, critized, threatened, humiliated, and you know what? I'm still standing. I'm stronger than ever. And now I'm going to kick the crap out of McCain.
And it will work.
Because whoever wins the nomination will have had the toughest primary fight in history. Old videos all over YouTube. Cable networks and all the blogs spending every minute of every day testing the candidates, trying to knock them down, knock them out...all day long, every day, for months.
And John McCain is sitting over in a corner, having Joe Lieberman whisper the answers in his ear, mumbling about war and terrorists and tax cuts. And no one cares. No one's listening. His numbers look okay for now, but that won't last.
Because when the Democrats focus on him, and the whole country is reminded of why everything sucks right now, there is no way another crusty old war lovin' Republican is going to sit in that Oval Office next January.
Not gonna happen.