Common Corporate Sense

Half a world away, a tiny band of workers is trying to save their country from a nuclear meltdown. Closer to home, 11 people died and tens of thousands more lost their livelihoods when an oil rig caught fire in the Gulf of Mexico. Even closer, my local news carries daily accounts of how a gas line explosion that left 8 dead, 50 injured, and 40 families homeless could have been prevented.

All of these events have two things in common – they’re accidents. No one got out of bed one morning and said, “Gee, I think I’ll go out and kill someone today.”

The other is that with some common sense and honesty, all of them could have been prevented or at least their risk mitigated by prudent action – even when a tsunami rolls ashore.

Cutting Corners to Keep the Dividends
For years, all the companies involved told their governments and the public things were just peachy. “Safety is our top priority. We’re responsible citizens” as if by top priority you mean cutting corners so the dividends keep on rolling in. Their inability to follow the rules is ample proof.

It’s de rigueur these days to lament the crushing weight of regulations on business, a not wholly inaccurate charge. The popular refrain is that unnecessary regulations kill jobs and stymie innovation, progress, and plenty. However, fewer point out that a job isn’t much good if you, your family, or your neighbors end up in the morgue waiting to be identified by their dental work or the ash pile that is their DNA.

All of these events, like thousands before them, will generate new regulations. The throngs don’t take kindly to being blown up while watching American Idol and they’ll push their government to do something and do something now.

Score 1 for K St.
The gears of government will turn. There will be a cacophony over just how far the regulations should go. In the end, lobbyists will win out and the resulting regulations will, more often than not, benefit the companies and not control their stupidity. Score 1 for K St.

That doesn’t matter much anyway. Government won’t enforce the laws and will cut back on the agencies that are responsible for that because someone needs a tax cut. The companies will continue to have accidents and all will be right with the world until the next tiny band of workers is irradiated or killed for simply going to work at ones of those nifty jobs that were generated by the cutting of corners and ignoring of regulations – the same regulations that tried to legislate common sense into people who have none of their own.

In the end, these events aren’t about small government or big government. They aren’t about deregulation or over-regulation. They aren’t about the gulf between the haves and have nots. They are about the ultimate failure of holding companies responsible for what they do.

Just as CEO’s don’t get out of bed in the morning plotting on who to kill today, regulations don’t come about needlessly. They come about as the result of someone not doing something that should have.

Unfortunately, you can’t legislate common sense into a thick corporate skull. And, we’re all the worse off for it.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

Rand Paul’s Mr. Whipple Moment

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Whatthehellwerethosekentuckiansthinking), has a knack for the absurd. Politicians often talk sh*t, but Rand went off on a rant about toilets – and light bulbs, abortion, offshoring jobs, and the dangerous threat to society those inanimate objects represent…. at a hearing about energy efficiency standards for appliances.

I’d like to lay the whole story out, insane utterance by insane utterance, but I can’t understand it. For one thing, I’m not Charlie Sheening on angel dust nor am I Baghdad Bob. I’m just an average person who manages to get up and go to work each day and return home in relatively good physical and mental shape without having a toilet flush my right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and incandescant light bulbs as though I was a whole roll of the Mr. Whipple’s best.

I also have an IQ somewhere north of a stale donut and I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you do too.

As I read the story, I kept thinking there’s an asylum somewhere with a bed that has his name on it. I actually felt sorry for the addlebrained goob. I kept thinking, “That guy needs some help. Good thing his insurance doesn’t have a death panel requirement, because he’d be right up at the top of the euthanasia list.” I kept thinking there had to something I could do or say to bring him back to reality. And then it struck me!

Rand hates low-flow toilets because he has to flush them 10 times to get rid of that dump he took after his last hallucinogenic flight of fantasy. Eureka!

Rand, listen carefully. Go to your bathroom. Take off your shoes, put your feet in your underperforming toilet and FLUSH – 11 or 12 times if you have to and sooner or later the world’s biggest turd will just disappear down the drain.

I love it when I can help my fellow man.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

 

Bless Me Father, For I Have Sinned: The Passion Play of Newt Gingrich

That Newt Gingrich is a passionate man is without question. He’s a more passionate man than Charlie Sheen, and that, that my friends is a whole lotta passion bein’ stirred.

Newt’s been passionate about defending marriage from the awful scourge of people who love one another. So passionate, in fact, he separated with one wife while she was undergoing cancer treatment, to marry his high school sweetheart – who was also his geometry teacher…with whom he’d been having an affair for 6 years. That’s OK though, he divorced the schoolmarm for Wife Number 3 all on the up-and-up. Watch out ladies! Is that a foursome I see hovering in the background? Newt is, after all a passionate guy.

He’s passionate about other things too. For example, he’s passionate about BJs. Of course, he condemned Clinton for this. But, it’s different if you come by your BJ honestly, like Newt does – by innocently walking down the street and being surprised to trip and find his pecker has fallen into a woman’s mouth. Passionate stuff that.

But, he’s saved his biggest passion for his country. This patriot, by his every act, word, and deed, found himself so in love with Lady Liberty that he toiled for long hours grifting donors, lobbying lobbyists, and squeezing in the odd Contract on America that he broke down . He strayed. He divorced wives. Yes, he presumably even got illicit BJs. All for the taste of sweet, sweet liberty.

Ahhh, but the sweet smell of Lady Labia’s Liberty’s essential fluids also delivered him from his decadence and landed him on CBN describing his conversion and salvation through Catholicism – a religion uniquely qualified to cater to the passions of his ilk.

And now, Brother Newt, friend of God, and passionate of unzipped pant, bellows to the rafters, “HALLELUJAH! PRAISE ST. RONNIE OF REAGAN! – THE PATRON SAINT OF TEA PARTIERS WANTS ME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT!”

“I am but a mere vessel of Reagan conservatism to use as St. Ronnie knows my destiny will surely take me. Oh, and log on to newt.org to contribute. Visa and MasterCard welcome.”

Now let’s hope that those hooligan journalists don’t ask him the most salient question…

If being a Congressman drove you to such passion that you lost your mind and fornicated like a Viagraized Easter Bunny, how will you fare being the much more passionately pressurized President.

Inquiring ex-wives want to know.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

 

Sharron Angle’s Black Day at Tonopah

People of Nevada, I feel your pain. I get it. Really I do. It’s not like Harry Reid has been worth much as Senate leader and I’m sure he’s sucked just as bad as your personal Senator. But fer Chrissakes, couldn’t you come up with someone to run against him other than Sharron Angle? Someone respectable, you know smart and cultured – I’m thinking Rush Limbaugh.

Angle is so spectacularly bad as a candidate and – well, let’s face it – quasi-sentient being that she actually makes The Grizzly Whisperer™ look like a genius. If you elect this woman to anything, much less the US Senate, your license plates will have to say, “Welcome to Nevada, the Moron State” as a mater of truth in advertising. And that’s saying something when you’re up against the competition from Texas and Arizona. I mean those people are real pros.

An Idiot That Keeps on Giving
Nary a day goes by that Over-Sharin’ Sharron doesn’t do or say something stupid. Reporters should only ask the questions she wants to hear and write stories that only she can approve. She thinks God called her to run for Senate, proving once again that God should hire a much better class of PR flaks for his domain. She doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state and accuses Democrats of being in violation of the First Amendment Commandment. Gadzooks Nevandans!

I’ve always believed that to be a success in life you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but use a personal yardstick to compare yourself to what you are capable of.  Angle clearly has some sort of weird metric mojo going on when it comes to her personal yardstick.

Case in point : She denies it now, but back in 1992 she came out foursquare against the scourge of black. Not black as in African American (although she doesn’t seem like a BFF of them either). Not black as in Black Friday. Not even – to employ a Nevadaism – blackjack. No, Sharron Angle is against black…the color. Specifically, the color of football jerseys at Tonopah High.

It’s evil. It’s close to sacrilege she said of a move to change the school’s jerseys to red. So evil in fact that she agitated to have the change repealed, the jerseys seized and put under lock and key, and the kids who bought them left holding the bag because the school wouldn’t reimburse them.

I suppose we could infer from this that Sharron would lead the charge against all sorts of other “colorism” too.

The Amish Are Evil
Priests and ministers would have to exorcise their black vestments. Amish folks would have to wear hot pink (because we all know what raving, hell-raising devil-worshipers they are). Black Flag insecticide would be verboten and the Oakland Raiders banned from the football field – although some would think that an improvement.

I’m used to politicians saying and doing stupid things. It is what they do and you can expect a certain amount of that from the sheer volume of hogswallop they spew. Talk enough and you’re bound to look like a goob occasionally. It’s an occupational hazard. But I’m aghast to say she easily snatches the Scepter of Stupidity from Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. Even the unholy Troika of  Trolldom, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and all the Fox News blondie bubbleheads rolled into one, run a distant second.

So people of Nevada, take mercy on the rest of us. Harry’s worthless, but at least he’s emasculate. Sharron is so stupid she might even figure out how to be dangerous – although I admit I may be giving her mental powers more credit than they deserve. Don’t elect this pinhead. We already have enough trouble as it is. Good God, Newt Gingrich might even make a comeback and that would be worse than a lifetime supply of Glenn Beck reruns!

Elect Sharron Angle and it will be a black day for us all.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

Rand Paul’s Mr. Whipple Moment

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Whatthehellwerethosekentuckiansthinking), has a knack for the absurd. Politicians often talk sh*t, but Rand went off on a rant about toilets – and light bulbs, abortion, offshoring jobs, and the dangerous threat to society those inanimate objects represent…. at a hearing about energy efficiency standards for appliances.

I’d like to lay the whole story out, insane utterance by insane utterance, but I can’t understand it. For one thing, I’m not Charlie Sheening on angel dust nor am I Baghdad Bob. I’m just an average person who manages to get up and go to work each day and return home in relatively good physical and mental shape without having a toilet flush my right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and incandescant light bulbs as though I was a whole roll of the Mr. Whipple’s best.

I also have an IQ somewhere north of a stale donut and I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you do too.

As I read the story, I kept thinking there’s an asylum somewhere with a bed that has his name on it. I actually felt sorry for the addlebrained goob. I kept thinking, “That guy needs some help. Good thing his insurance doesn’t have a death panel requirement, because he’d be right up at the top of the euthanasia list.” I kept thinking there had to something I could do or say to bring him back to reality. And then it struck me!

Rand hates low-flow toilets because he has to flush them 10 times to get rid of that dump he took after his last hallucinogenic flight of fantasy. Eureka!

Rand, listen carefully. Go to your bathroom. Take off your shoes, put your feet in your underperforming toilet and FLUSH – 11 or 12 times if you have to and sooner or later the world’s biggest turd will just disappear down the drain.

I love it when I can help my fellow man.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

 

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