Michele Bachmann: Bikini or Nude?

It seems Michele Bachmann made a big splash at the Republican debates when she formally threw her hat into the ring. But, many of her supporters may have wished she’d thrown her panties in instead.

Within minutes of the debates ending, I noticed a large and growing spike in searches leading to my blog, The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! I didn’t think much about it, but when I checked more closely on Tuesday morning, I found almost 400 people had already ended up at Speaks! before 5 am by searching for “michele bachmann bikini”. As of noon today, we’re up to 950 hits with no end in sight.

That people search for the Minnesota beach babe isn’t particularly unusual. I’ve gotten steady traffic off her since I posted Michele Bachmann Thinks Obama Has a God Problem. That post contained a Photoshopped photo of Bachmann’s head atop a well-endowed body. She even holding a large automatic weapon just to tempt her Second Amendment followers.

What is unusual is that not once in the thousands of searches since that post debuted has anyone searched for photos of her nude. Considering another of my site’s top search terms is “marge simpson porn”, that  factoid sticks out. Even more surprising when learning the folks looking for Marge and Homer in flagranti are overwhelmingly from the most repressive Muslim countries.

In other words, Bachmaniacs are looking for relatively demure photos of a semi-real, trim, Minnesota soccer mom is a swimsuit, but people in even more repressed societies are going for full-on cartoon on cartoon sex (apologies to Rick Santorum).

I think it’s safe to say that most Bachmann followers are a little to the right … well, maybe far right … oh, who the hell are we kidding? They’ve gone so far right they’ve almost completed the circle and are closing in on Obama’s left. They’re pretty straight-laced. It’s an uber-evangelical crowd. Pat Robertson is a liberal to the Michelicans. They’re the core anti-gay marriage, have sex only for procreation, Planned Parenthood funding stripper cabal.

Could it be they’re so repressed they can’t allow themselves the pleasure of seeing an admittedly handsome MILF in her all together? Do they get a thrill when switching fantasies from  Michele in June Cleaver pearls and Republican cloth coat to a senior member of the Swedish Bikini Team? Is that just enough, but not too much temptation? Do they fear they’ll have to join Weiner’s wiener in therapy if they choose God-endowed skin over a Minnesota overcoat?

What does the gay-fearing Missus think about it? Does she see Michele as the Devil‘s Temptress come to steal her man or tempt him into a wide stance in the wrong public toilet? Are Daddy’s impure thoughts the same as a disgusting Congressoconstituent tete a tete with her church deacon hubby?

And when you compare these sex-addled, but demure searchers for skin to their Muslim counterparts, why is one repressed Devil’s spawn so much less repressed given the opportunity to gaze on the Minnesota Mom anonymously and privately? Could it be those evil 72 Virgins at work? Vile harpies!

There is a final solution to this unholy masturbation fantasy though, “Lock ‘em all up in FEMA concentration camps.”

Well helloooo new search phrase!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Michele Bachmann: Bikini or Nude?

It seems Michele Bachmann made a big splash at the Republican debates when she formally threw her hat into the ring. But, many of her supporters may have wished she’d thrown her panties in instead.

Within minutes of the debates ending, I noticed a large and growing spike in searches leading to my blog, The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! I didn’t think much about it, but when I checked more closely on Tuesday morning, I found almost 400 people had already ended up at Speaks! before 5 am by searching for “michele bachmann bikini”. As of noon today, we’re up to 950 hits with no end in sight.

That people search for the Minnesota beach babe isn’t particularly unusual. I’ve gotten steady traffic off her since I posted Michele Bachmann Thinks Obama Has a God Problem. That post contained a Photoshopped photo of Bachmann’s head atop a well-endowed body. She even holding a large automatic weapon just to tempt her Second Amendment followers.

What is unusual is that not once in the thousands of searches since that post debuted has anyone searched for photos of her nude. Considering another of my site’s top search terms is “marge simpson porn”, that  factoid sticks out. Even more surprising when learning the folks looking for Marge and Homer in flagranti are overwhelmingly from the most repressive Muslim countries.

In other words, Bachmaniacs are looking for relatively demure photos of a semi-real, trim, Minnesota soccer mom is a swimsuit, but people in even more repressed societies are going for full-on cartoon on cartoon sex (apologies to Rick Santorum).

I think it’s safe to say that most Bachmann followers are a little to the right … well, maybe far right … oh, who the hell are we kidding? They’ve gone so far right they’ve almost completed the circle and are closing in on Obama’s left. They’re pretty straight-laced. It’s an uber-evangelical crowd. Pat Robertson is a liberal to the Michelicans. They’re the core anti-gay marriage, have sex only for procreation, Planned Parenthood funding stripper cabal.

Could it be they’re so repressed they can’t allow themselves the pleasure of seeing an admittedly handsome MILF in her all together? Do they get a thrill when switching fantasies from  Michele in June Cleaver pearls and Republican cloth coat to a senior member of the Swedish Bikini Team? Is that just enough, but not too much temptation? Do they fear they’ll have to join Weiner’s wiener in therapy if they choose God-endowed skin over a Minnesota overcoat?

What does the gay-fearing Missus think about it? Does she see Michele as the Devil‘s Temptress come to steal her man or tempt him into a wide stance in the wrong public toilet? Are Daddy’s impure thoughts the same as a disgusting Congressoconstituent tete a tete with her church deacon hubby?

And when you compare these sex-addled, but demure searchers for skin to their Muslim counterparts, why is one repressed Devil’s spawn so much less repressed given the opportunity to gaze on the Minnesota Mom anonymously and privately? Could it be those evil 72 Virgins at work? Vile harpies!

There is a final solution to this unholy masturbation fantasy though, “Lock ‘em all up in FEMA concentration camps.”

Well helloooo new search phrase!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Republican Hypocrisy On Rep. Weiner

MSNBC host Cenk Uygur speaks with Republican strategist Brad Blakeman on how Republicans are treating Congressman Anthony Weiner's sex scandal compared to previous scandals involving GOP politicians.

 

Who Will Defend Anthony Weiner After Tweet Controversy?

MSNBC host Cenk Uygur speaks with guests about the reaction to Congressman Anthony Weiner admitting he had online relationships with several women.

 

Weiner: He’s Not Stupid, He Just Likes Showing His Hot Links

Anthony Weiner was stupid. Anthony Weiner displayed the critical thinking skills of your average tree stump. Anthony Weiner embarrassed himself, his wife, and Congress – at least to the extent you can embarrass a den of thieves and charlatans. Heck, Mom and Daddy Big Weiner probably should’ve thought seriously about aname change to save their son a lifetime of tedious jokes too. But then, the millions of people who dingle their dangly bits in front of any convenient cell phone camera are stupid too.

Absent violating the law,what a person does in the privacy of their own photo booth is no concern of mine, or yours either. The famous and powerful may not put their pants on one leg at a time, but they still share some of the same foibles as the rest of the Great Unwashed. For example, extreme pride of your junk and wanting the world to see just how wonderful it truly is.

Americans expect their rich and famous to be clay-footed. We take delight – or sometimes faux sanctimonious objection – to their self-destructive behavior. It’s what keeps NASCAR growing – a car crash is an awful thing, but it’s damn sure interesting.

When a Dick is Really a Weiner
But mixed into those America’s Funniest Home Video-style crotch shots we harbor a mixed standard for celebrity behavior. The only difference between how the Honorable Mr. Weiner behaved and how “actor” Andy Dick behaves is occupation. When Dick shows his dick it’s sort of funny in that, “Look, that lunatic goob is at it again” way. When Weiner waves his Weiner, it’s a travesty of the first order, demanding resignation, eternal ridicule, and the opportunity to return to private life where he can waggle his Weiner or patronize Heidi Fleiss and no one would be the wiser.

That’s not to say I always give them a free pass. If the amateur photo enthusiast loudly preaches the opposite of what he doth practice, I assume he’s fair game for charges of hypocrisy and an extra spoonful of castor oil for his trouble. But that doesn’t mean I’m for firing them. Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Newt Gingrich, I’m talkin’ to you!

But if a little hanky panky is grounds for a Sharia-style stoning, we wouldn’t be able to raise a quorum in Congress or scrape enough tattooed thugs together for a pickup game in any NBA arena or NFL stadium in the country.

An assessment of their critical thinking skills is in order too. Getting a BJ under the Oval Office desk while fantasizing an S&M session with Angela Merkel and simultaneously negotiating a nuclear treaty probably is critical thinking gone intolerably awry. Getting a BJ under the desk while on a coffee break and there are no wars breaking out or financial collapses du jour, not so much.

And that stupidity thing?

They Got Elected Didn’t They?
Most of these pervs are nothing if not smart in their own way. They managed to get elected didn’t they? They know the consequences and carry on anyway. I don’t agree with the conventional analyst couch wisdom that they secretly want to be caught either. I think they do it because they spend all day with dozens of people telling them how wonderful and powerful they are and that anything is possible with only a Caesar’s slight thumbs down toward the losing gladiator.

They do it because of hubris. Their already significant egos become more grotesque the longer they listen to their own puffery. A few years of that and most of us would develop the mistaken impression we could will Tweets invisible, erase video tape, or lie ourselves out of a pinch like some new X-Man.

Remember, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones – but breaking some glass will be the least of your worries.

Especially, if the stone bounces off some high and mighty’s head and smacks you square between the eyes.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

 

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