(cross-posted at Clintonistas for Obama and Obama--Criticism and Support)

That's what I call my paternal grandmother. Before I was born, my grandparents each chose what they wanted me to call them. My dad's mom picked "Honey" because she said she'd never been called anything sweet before. That wasn't strictly true, but she did have a difficult upbringing and an overbearing husband. She grew up as "poor white trash," and why my grandfather married her, I'll never know. Honey taught me a lot of things, as a kid and as an adult, but I don't know that any of the lessons were good.

Sheltered though I was, I learned about sexism when I was a child, and my first experience with it was probably the most hurtful - though not the most damaging in terms of academic or professional advancement - because it was the most personal. When I was a young girl, I slowly began noticing that my paternal grandparents treated me rather differently than they treated my brother. He was cooed over and treasured in a way I hadn't been, he was given attention and praise in a way I wasn't. The differences seemed stark. At first, I couldn't figure out why it should be so - why would I be treated differently when I was so pretty, so intelligent, far kinder, and more polite? What had I done wrong? Hurt and uncomprehending, I finally thought to ask my mother, who I could always trust to answer my naïve, innocent questions in the same way: Truthfully. Gently but bluntly, she explained that my father's parents were children of the Depression and had been raised with an old Southern mentality that men were more valuable. My brother was more cherished, more loved, and more important in the eyes of my grandparents because he was the male heir, and because he would carry on the family name, whereas I, as a woman, would lose it when I married (in the old South, marriage was a question of when, not if). This was a difficult truth for a young overachiever to understand because it was something which had to be accepted rather than overcome; no amount of success on my part would ever make me equal.

My jaw dropped when i read this and I am just at a loss for words, so Im just going to post this article by Sam Stein at the Huffington Post.

Here's the joke in question from 1986:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, `Where is that marvelous ape?'

The MEDIA's complicity in McCain's sexism is absolutely horrendous. The bile that comes out of this man's mouth, and the media has yet to cover one bit of it. Even THE MCLAUGHLIN GROUP of all people, including mclaughlin himself thinks McCain is the media darling. For god's sake, he had a BBQ with the Associated Press, who we've just found has been in very friendly correspondence with Karl Rove, telling him "Keep up the fight"! And Obama didnt get any standing ovation at the AP conference invitation, in fact, the presenter called him "Osama" and it just looked so intentional. McCain meanwhile got a minutes-long standing ovation, and Liz Sidoti of the AP brought him donuts "with [his] favorite, sprinkles".

Anyways, I hope nobody minds that i posted this, but this is essential reading. If anyone has a problem with me not writing my own opinions, I understand and will delete this.

Today I have read diaries that have told me I don't have the right to complain about sexism because there are more important issues than sexism.

They say if I complain about "ho" jokes at a Democratic fundraiser I am being divisive and frivolous. Sexism is divisive. Those who engage in it and defend it are the problem, not me. "Ho" jokes are anti-woman and anti-feminist especially during a political event. Democratic women don't be fooled or intimidated by those who attempt to convince you otherwise. Don't be fooled by those who dismiss your equality to re-fighting the primary.

As a Democratic woman, I have chosen to fight for my equality and not vote for the Democratic nominee. I will not be bullied into voting for a man who will benefit from the sexism unleashed and/or unchecked by the Democratic Party against the woman candidate. Sexism has become a part of the winning strategy, just as race became a part of Nixon's southern strategy.

IM BLACK. I AM A WOMAN. I CAMPAIGNED ACTIVELY FOR HILLARY CLINTON. I supported her because I just god damn like the woman, despite any of her flaws. (And YES, candidates are flawed and a segment of supporters of BOTH Obama and Hillary are equally cultish.) And I also supported her because I interned for 2 years in her DC office. So my support is insanely loyal and genuine.

Anyhow, here is my experience campaigning for Hillary08:

I would be in a campaign office, or at a town hall and I had a few instances where I would walk into a room and sometimes fellow hillary campaigners would hush up or pretend they were talking about something else, because they thought I would hear what they were saying about the racial aspects of the primaries, or when they were saying racially insensitive things about Obama. I once had some old guy in a car stick his finger at me and say FUCK OBAMA. People I would approach when I campaigned assumed I was from the Obama camp just because I was black, and sometimes reacted with glares or outright hostility to me.

This is just to tell you where im coming from.

When i campaigned, there were A LOT of racist comments made regularly in the campaign offices where I worked (Indiana and Pennsylvania) and at the rallys and town halls she did. I would hear "nigger" or "uppity" thrown around about Obama. Did it deter my loyalty or support for her? NO.

Sexism is a LOT harder to detect and people can be mysoginistic without knowing it. Frankly I thought it was mysoginistic when the men in the MSM praised Hillary for having "testicular fortitude" as if she needed to have aspects of masculinity to be a good president. Like Bernie Mac, it was a JOKE right?

But like you feel about the Bernie Mac joke, I thought the mere implications quotes like that are seriously more damaging to the idea that a WOMAN could be a strong leader in the US. No one here said anything about that, in fact I saw people here praising that. Same with the idea that being an intellectual is being "effete" as the media calls Obama. Or the idea that for the white male dominated media, he's not black enough for them but sometimes too black! It smacks of white paternalism, most people here however didnt see that. Both Hillary and Obama had to tip-toe around this messy and obscure lines of race and gender, and both sometimes had some missteps.

So onto Bernie Mac's sexist and racist jokes, I dont think Obama realized the sexist extent of the joke as he realized the racial aspect of it. A slip up. I forgive him. But while Obama made none of the comments himself, it seemed that he was giving tacit approval. He wasnt, at least not intentionally.

Out of all the racial slip ups i've had to endure while working for the Clintons, and seeing some of the tactics which came from above which I do think were racially divisive and disappointing to me, I still was intensely loyal to her. In NO WAY do i think the Clintons are in any way shape or form, racist! The "southern strategy" can be used without one being a racist. Another example: Karl Rove's father is gay and he has a very close relationship with him, so obviously he is not homophobic. But he created a religious right backlash against gays, using gay marriage as a wedge issue. One can use these divisive tactics because they work, not because thats their hidden homophobia, racism, or mysoginy. I stood silent when I saw Clinton using racially divisive tactics. I know the code words. Dont tell me i didnt hear them.

But trying to push the idea that Obama is a sexist is just false and wrong.  He is a little absentminded when it comes to gender issues, and of course he doesnt see the line as clearly as women do. He's a man. But that fact doesnt excuse anything. But I can understand it. I also understand that Obama is probably better at seeing the faultlines on race better than Clinton. Does it mean Clinton was a racist and doesnt care about issues regarding racial disparities economically just because she said something divisive, at times, unknowingly? Absolutely not.

I dont expect pure political correctness from him as I didnt with the many instances of political incorrectness coming from Hillary's campaign with regards to race was foregone by the Hillary herself, the Clinton campaign, its surrogates, supporters, and the media.  I only supported Hillary because I once worked for her and liked her all my life, and oh yeah, I actually care about keeping her legacy intact and getting healthcare passed, and getting my 3 brothers out of Iraq (they're on their 3rd deployment), and my aunt lost her house from the mortgage crisis...so I think I kinda want that solved...

Comedian Bernie Mac covered it all at last night's $2,300 per person Obama fundraiser:

1. women as people who do dishes and laundry. (Awesome, you've come a long way baby.)
   
2. His house is so cold because of his wife's menopause. (You couldn't think of ANY other material Bernie? Shall Hillary Clinton hire a comedian to make fun of your hair?)
   
3. And illustrating the difference between a hypothetical question and a realistic question by explaining to Mac's nephew that his mother and his sister are both 'ho's who would have sex with the mailman for the right price:
   

The Chicago-born comedian and actor told what he said was a joke about his nephew coming to him and asking the difference between a hypothetical question and a realistic question.

To demonstrate the difference, he tells the nephew to go ask his mother if she would make love to the mailman for $50,000. The mother says she would make love to the mailman and anybody else for $50,000.

He tells the nephew to go ask his sister if she would make love with her neighbor for $50,000. She says she would make love with the neighbor and anybody else for $50,000.

So he tells the nephew: "Hypothetically speaking, we should have $100,000. But realistically speaking we live with two hos," Bernie Mac said.

Obama thanked the comedian, who he called the "King of Comedy." After the presidential candidate told Mac he should clean up his act, Obama said he was just kidding:

"That means, by the way, Bernie you got to clean up your act. This is a family affair... I'm just messing with you," he said.

Warning: pedantry ahead. Let's distinguish between misogyny, misandry, and sexism. Misogyny is hatred and disdain for women in general. Misandry, hatred and disdain for men in general, is probably the most underused word in political debate. Although a lifelong feminist, I have always loathed  knee-jerk male-bashing and defended men against stereotyping all my life. Wikipedia has a decent definition of sexism: "Sexism is commonly considered to be discrimination and/or hatred of people based on their sex rather than their individual merits."

I struggle greatly with my own misogyny. I was much more comfortable being the only girl in my political science classes at Fordham than attending an all girls Catholic College in my freshman year. I credit my 5 younger brothers and 5 young uncles. My four daughters might have contributed to the misogyny too:) Working in the women-dominated fields of librarianship and social work has been a terribly bad fit for me with dire economic consequences.

I am far more confident that men will like me than women will like me. I don't do tact. If I see a group of 5 men at a party, I know they need me:) All my shrinks have been men. I have done my best therapy  work with male clients. One client told me I must have been a gay male in a previous lifetime since I understood him so well:) The real explanation was that manic depressive closets resemble gay closets.

Every time I come to mydd I see at least one diary complaining about sexism.  Hillary is a woman, the argument goes. And Hillary lost. Ergo, Hillary must have lost because she's a woman.  While I would argue that there were several excellent reasons to oppose Hillary, I still agree that it's inevitable that any woman running for the presidency would have been faced with sexism.  However considering that Hillary was white and her main opponent was African American, the argument that she was the one discriminated against flies out the window.

A few facts below:

I apologize deeply for my 3rd diary today; I try to be diligent about waiting till after midnight. But I'm a mama's boy, I deeply deeply respect my mother and women.

My mother was a late bloomer in the “work field”, we come from a fairly wealthy family. But after she put us through school ( home maker), she started her 1st job at almost 47. She put into it the same heart and diligence as she did into us and finally left the company as the CFO (mutli billion Dollar Company). All along she taught us , “ if you don't as boys and men learn to respect what you perceive as the weaker sex in the macho world, you son have not learnt how to garner the real strength a man is measured by" .

Well no less than many of you here who feel the same .

So when I saw this article in NY times I was and perhaps overreacting, simply livid.

So to the point_do you watch the Masters (golf)? Now read the treatment in our US of A clubs today in the name of ''Hey its a private club' we keep them kind of folks out' ( when was the last time we heard this language?)