One of my other white girlfriends chimed in, "Oh, I know!  But she's not doing all that hot at the moment."  Then she looked around the room at the rest of us, looking for support.  She didn't get it.  Instead, she got a smirk, a sigh, and one of us declaring, "Well, personally I'm pulling for Obama."

There were a few awkward seconds. The three white ladies in the room declared that they also liked Obama but just were more familiar with Hillary, which was perfectly valid,  and the rest of us pretended to be caught up in our game of diaper poo.  But the look of betrayal on my girlfriend's face was evident.  Here were women she'd been hanging out with for years.  Our kids went to school together, we were all educated, feminist, liberal women of a similar economic background and yet for the first time in our book club, girl scout cookie selling, mommy group traveling years we were divided right down racial lines.  

There have been more than a few posts in the blogosphere declaring that race shouldn't be an issue.  That Hillary being a woman shouldn't be a point of support for feminists, but it is.  It shouldn't be, but it certainly doesn't help to pretend these things don't matter and it certainly won't help anything by either refusing to acknowledge them or talk about them for the sake of the ever-elusive `democratic solidarity'.  

As much as it might seem from someone looking at all of us together as a group that we are, aside from our skin color, a fairly homogeneous crowd, the dynamics of this heated election is proving that we're a long way away from that.

Why aren't Black women overwhelmingly supporting Hillary Clinton, someone who many of us admire?

I like Hillary Clinton.  She is strong, well spoken, fights for social justice, and although I don't agree with her on everything, if she were running against pretty much anyone else in this election I'd be strolling down the street in her t-shirt.  I know that many of my black girlfriends feel the same way.  We've even openly discussed how tragic it was that we `had' to vote against her.  Even though we haven't gone much deeper than that regarding our support of Obama, we all know why we suddenly feel the way we do.

In an election where the two candidates are, frankly, evenly matched, when it comes down to the cold hard choice of who you'd prefer to see in power, black women are overwhelmingly choosing the candidate they identify with more and who would be a more powerful force of change against the current administration. And it's not the woman.

Bloggers want to know why we think he'll bring greater change than Hillary?  Here it is.

Yes, both white women and black women have been objectified and oppressed, but in very different ways.  White women have been subordinated with the promise in sharing power.  Affirmative Action solidified this, benefiting them more than any other group.  Black women have been oppressed through outright rejection.  There is frankly, a lot of anger there.  There is the underlying bitterness that white women have traditionally sided with or excused the transgressions of their spouses and sons.  For many of us, far too many white women have historically been able to share in the benefits of this oppression.  This isn't an intentional thing, obviously, but it's hard to ignore the notions of "Billary" and belittling, sexist slurs against Senator Clinton, which certainly aren't fair, but have a small degree of historical relevance attached to them nonetheless.

Unlike a lot of white women who look at Hillary as a close representation of self, a lot of black women look at her as no more closely resembling themselves than her husband.   It's painful to admit and acknowledge that in a culture where you are black and a woman,  the identity which tends to cling to you more is your race.  We are female, yes, but a lot of us can't identity with Senator Clinton regardless of our lifestyles.    

I know what some people will say.  This is terrible.  It's separatist.  It's reverse racism.  Well, you can certainly say this but I think that's off the mark.  Most of the Black women I know do want institutional transformation in this country.  We do want eventual community with white people - men and women - but in our struggle for change we recognize that we need someone who will be a reliable force for that change and Obama, even though he is a man, appears to hold more promise in the equality of minorities on the whole to many of us - including women.  

My mother had this to say when I told her I was journaling about my feelings regarding this;

   "Hillary is nice, but you know she's been living in their house too long.  She'll fight but she doesn't have much to lose, does she?   She's used to sharing in the power.  Obama has already fought the hardest battle that is to have gotten as far as he has.  I bet he wakes up every day afraid someone is going to try to kill him."

The fact that he has gotten this far as a black man in a country that jails more black men than it sends to college is quite a feat.  His race should not be ignored.  It should be celebrated for the hurdles he has overcome.  His ability to reach out to all people, even people who have regarded him as less than human, in spite of these hurdles also should be joyfully acknowledged.  

Comparing the struggles of white women to that of a black man in this country is naive. Look at how many black men have served in the senate compared to white women, how many have become CEO's and heads of state.  Those numbers are strikingly different.

It is a divisive topic among my black and white girlfriends, but my black girlfriends and I see Obama's struggle more closely tied to our own experiences than Hillary's.  We're seeing a chance at the sort of equality many of us don't think Hillary can accomplish, even though we don't doubt that she would try to the best of her ability.  And although many women and other disadvantaged groups are out of the trenches of poverty, there's no such promise for young black men.  And we have sons and husbands who we love as well.  

I got the diaper with the poo, and a nice gift basket with some scented bath gel in it.  We hugged before we said our goodbyes, a little bit more in tuned to the world around us then we were before we got there.