THIS WEEK IN SNARK!
Taking the dumbest stories of the week and manipulating them for our enjoyment.
**************
Obama Insults Lobster Boy!
In a campaign appearance last week, Barack Obama mocked, in less than subtle fashion, the Lobstery Boy. As can be seen in the photo below, during his speech Obama mimicked the Lobster Boy's trademark claw:
While he has denied intentionally mocking Lobster Boy, Obama's primary opponent, Senator Hillary Clinton, was quick to capitalize on the situation, issuing mailers to Carnies across the Midwest:
Will Lobster Boy be left out of Obama's healthcare plan?
Hillary-Care covers lobster people, because she cares. With roots in the carnival, Hillary spent her summers learning about the Lobster people. Barack Obama? He mocks Lobster Boy, and pushed for S.718, a bill to create a universal size of scissor finger-holes...a size that wouldn't be usable by lobster people. Can we really trust Barack Obama with the power of the Presidency?
**************
***
Obama Challenges Clinton
The following memo was issued by the Obama campaign late last Saturday:
Dear Maggie [Williams]:
Despite being on different sides of this primary, we share an excitement at seeing millions of new Democratic voters registering and going to the polls. But don't we owe it to those voters to give them the opportunity to see how our candidates fare in a truly stressful situation...a situation well known to be key in passing the oft mentioned "Commander-in-Chief threshold"?
Senator Obama believes deeply that hot dog eating contests are a vital part of our democratic process. It is the American way to place our would-be leaders side by side to watch them gorge on low quality "meat"; to challenge each other to set a record pace; to celebrate their achievements; and to throw up after it is all over.
This year marks the 92nd anniversary of the first Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition, a series of public orgies of gluttony in New York where those who fear no heart attack put their guts on the line. I have no doubt that Senator Clinton, who hails from that great state, understands how valuable and vital these national tests of gluttony are to the heart of America. We can surely meet the standard our forbearers did. Our final two primary candidates to date have had zero hot dog eating contests. Isn't it time we gorged?
Sincerely,
Takeru Kobayashi
Manager of Ridiculous Challenges
Six Time Hot Dog Eating Champion
**************
*****
|
|
|
Permalink :: 5 Comments :: Post a Comment
|
In order to post a comment, you must be logged in. If you have a member account, please log in to comment.
If not, you can make an account right here. It's quick and free.
