Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup.

Friday was a good day to be waiting on a FedEx truck. I was expecting a job offer that came with a promotion, 10K signing bonus, 10% pay increase, talented boss and fresh new challenges and opportunities. In return, my prospective employer would be gaining a highly-skilled and productive worker to fill a position that's critical to putting their products on the market. A position that has been vacant for nearly a year.

Of course, the anticipation of receiving the offer letter was clouded by brainstorms of my resignation letter. It wasn't going to be easy. I'd be leaving a high-profile and stable position at a highly-reputable company for a little known startup. Also, I would miss my colleagues and the company's progressive and uniquely European workplace policies. But every now and then an offer arrives that you just can't refuse.

Or so I thought...

Accompanying the offer letter was an unwelcome surprise. When I pulled out the contents of the FedEx mailer and spotted sheets of paper that resembled checks printed from a dot-matrix printer, my heart skipped a beat. After brushing aside bemusement that anyone would still use a dot-matrix printer in this day and age, I wondered, "hmmmm, who sends the signing bonus check with the offer letter?"

After closer examination, though, nausea quickly muscled out my joy. Nobody told me about a piss test. I pulled the offer letter from the stack and, sure enough, it stated "per our conversation, you will need to undergo a pre-employment drug test as a condition of employment."

This was going to be much easier than I first thought. Had we truly had such a conversation, my formerly prospective employer and I could have significantly truncated this process. Nonetheless, I felt a sense of relief that, albeit late, the company outed itself as the kind of employer I foreswore years ago--after the first of many friends had their privacy rights violated and earnings threatened by pee in a cup.

The recruiter, of course, was incredulous. Was I worried about failing? (No). Why not wait a few weeks? (How about not?). Without getting into the details of my private life with the recruiter (smoking cannabis helps my wife sustain an appetite that she has lost to a medical condition; if she wasn't disabled and could work a job with this same company, they would discriminate against her for her illness), I sent him the following explanation:

Hello (Recruiter's name),

I am not interested in delaying the drug screening. I will not work for an employer who drug tests. I think it's a highly invasive and insulting practice, and, common as it may be, I have never been subjected to it before.

HR should have informed me that this was a condition of employment earlier in the process so that I could have registered my disinterest in the position much sooner.

Sorry,

"Bob"

I formally reject the offer on Monday. The company will continue its arduous task of trying to fill a highly-specialized position with few qualified applicants, and they will still be limited to a talent pool that, in all likelihood, is comprised of many workers just like me. Workers who grew up during the eighties with our eyes were wide open to the hypocritical, ironic and irrational mantra of "just say no."

So, in response to their offer and in the stead of those who don't have the luxury of picking and choosing jobs in this economy, I look forward to just saying no. I will be saying no on behalf of my wife. And I'm saying no for all of my friends who have had to suffer embarrassment and job loss from the draconian and archaic policies spawned by Reagan's drug war.



Display:


Prepare yourself to stay unemployed! It's the norm (1.50 / 4)


by suzieg on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 06:22:08 AM EST

I have a really good job. (2.00 / 10)

They needed me much more than I needed them. Like I told my recruiter, it might be commonplace, but I've never subjected myself to one.


by Bob Sackamento on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 06:30:20 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: I have a really good job. (2.00 / 2)

I was unavailable all weekend so I'm late to this diary, but just wanted to say good on you Bob. I accepted a part time job offer from a record/cd store when I was in high school. After a month on the job, I was informed that all employees were being required to take a lie detector test, presumably to uncover a propensity toward stealing. I declined for reasons similiar to yours and was let go as a result. I didn't mind losing the job, but was bothered by the realization that it would reinforce my employer's belief that invasion of privacy is necessary because he most likely assumed I had something to hide. When your right to privacy is challenged, you lose on some level regardless of which way you choose to handle it. That is what I object to the most, and why I strongly believe it has no place in a free society.


by phoenixdreamz on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 07:36:06 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Maybe for shit jobs (2.00 / 4)

workplaces where the workers are treated like intelligent professionals generally don't insult them by requiring a drug test.


by JJE on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 08:46:18 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 9)

I personally think drug testing is bogus.  In my field it is commonplace but that doesn't make it right.  I know a lot of people who do not use drugs and are completely inept in almost everything they do.  I also know a lot of people that use drugs and can hold down a job, a family and going back to school.  I can understand the saliva tests that indicate if the individual has been using drugs that day say if there were an accident or if someone was acting funny.  Pretty soon they will be doing mental health screenings and anyone who is deemed depressed will not be hired based on the productivity or potential lack there of.


Watching capitalism gun down democracy, It had this funny effect on me I guess
by selfevident on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 07:24:17 AM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 9)

Good for you, Bob.
Random drug testing is an invasion of privacy.

"Who are you for? That is the wrong question. It should be who is for you?" HRC
by skohayes on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 07:25:43 AM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (none / 0)

It's not random if they test everyone.


by JimR on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 10:24:25 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 1)

I'm not talking about pre-employment drug testing, I'm talking about random testing after you're hired. Basically testing for no reason other than your name appeared on a computer generated list.


"Who are you for? That is the wrong question. It should be who is for you?" HRC
by skohayes on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 06:27:46 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 5)

I won't piss in a jar.  You peckerheads have gone too far.

-Mojo Nixon.


When you start out making the "slippery slope" argument, where do you draw the line?
by Jess81 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 08:55:56 AM EST

a friend had to piss test for a low level bank job (2.00 / 7)

How is smoking MJ--the one drug they can consistently detect--prevent one from doing routine clerical stuff?

The tests are arbitrary and invasive.


Rrrinnggg... Time to change the government.
by Carl Nyberg on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 09:20:58 AM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 7)

Thanks for stickin' it to the man, Bob.


www.payd.org Keeping PA Blue
by dannybauder on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 09:40:41 AM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 7)

They didn't test my urine at school when I was earning a 3.92 grade point average and a technical degree.  If I wasn't lazy, stupid, or unreliable then; what the hell makes them think I am any different now?  I have a really good  job and they only test upon suspicion that a person is not sober while at work, but it really is a brainless policy to test upon hiring.


Government derives its power from those that it governs.
by lockewasright on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 09:52:13 AM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 3)

I support you based on principle.  To me, if alcohol is legal, MJ ought to be.

That said, my experience is that most of big corporate America is insisting on this testing these days.  Aside from your individual protest, I'm not sure how to push back on a larger scale.  


I was with Obama from the start.
by SpanishFly on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 10:28:58 AM EST

Wow... (2.00 / 5)

Guess I am glad I don't live in the US...hadn't heard of this one before.

Being paranoid, what is to prevent the company from testing the sample once given for all kinds of other "undesirable" stuff - e.g. check if a woman is pregnant, or if the person has some medical conditions?

It seems to me way too easy to test for other stuff sort of BTW.  

yaykes....


by lolo08 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:01:11 AM EST

Re: Wow... (2.00 / 2)

what is to prevent the company from testing the sample once given for all kinds of other "undesirable" stuff

Federal law.


I was with Obama from the start.
by SpanishFly on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:16:22 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wow... (2.00 / 3)

...doesn't apply to jobs in the private sector.

Where it does, you're talking about a very narrow group of protections.


When you start out making the "slippery slope" argument, where do you draw the line?
by Jess81 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 10:41:29 PM EST
[ Parent ]

One of my former bosses related a response to (2.00 / 9)

drug test proposals at a former company:

"I'll pee in a cup if you'll hold it."


Motley Moose: Progress Through Politics
by chrisblask on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:10:34 AM EST

Good for you! (2.00 / 4)

I totally agree with your reasoning, except for when it comes to the military or labor intensive jobs.

While I have issue with invasion of privacy of most workers, if you have responsibility for others lives then you need to be drug tested.  I don't want my children's bus driver high.  I don't want my pilot high, I don't want the guy running a dangerous machine on an assembly line high.  Now random drug testing does not ensure that your pilot won't snort up or drink on your particular flight, but it is a deterrent.  

I also agree with piss testing in the military.  I was in the Marines and got piss tested 5 times one year while I was on active duty.  It kept me clean.  It didn't keep everyone clean, there are ways around it, and ways to find out when a test is imminent if you're a popular guy in headquarters company of a regiment.  But it has improved the military.  Old Sergeants Major and First Sergeants talk about how awful it was in the 80's with the rampant drug problem throughout the military.  With constant fear being pushed about the USSR, our fighting men were not at the ready during that era.


by shalca on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:56:35 AM EST

Re: Good for you! (2.00 / 3)

I had to piss in a cup to move boxes at a previous job.  And I was pretty sure all my coworkers were constantly high.


by Skaje on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 04:11:19 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 4)

While I am not overly fond of this practice. There maybe a number of reasons they do it that are beyond their control. Insurance reasons. Their health or liability insurance carrier may require it as a condition of underwriting (not unusual). Security, since I don't know, nor do I need to know who your potential employer was, there may be security reasons for random drug tests.

In some cases I am more than happy to know there are random drug tests, Airline pilots, train operators, heavy equipment operators etc etc.

So while it is certainly your choice to say no and good for you. You may have wanted to ask the question as to why?


Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
by jsfox on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:58:10 AM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 4)

I'm with you.  I've never had to pee in the cup and I don't think I would have if they had asked me (unless I was desperate for the job).


That One is the Right One for 2008.
by GFORD on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 12:23:47 PM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee. (none / 0)

fed ex saves lives, by requiring random drug testing.  Addicts get sober to work there.   Airline pilots  also get tested, and all truck drivers, which is why there are finally openings in that field.

They test for marijuana too, but the important one is methamphetamine, that's a real killer and it's devastating the working class.  It's also polluting our small town water sources and leading to lots of crime. There is virtually no bank robber who isn't on meth or heroin and it's usually meth.

The big new drug is oxy and it's killing our college students.  All those opiates are tested for at fed ex.

So, no problem, you won't get tested but a lot of prospective employees will and some will be damn glad to work with coworkers who they know aren't loaded.  

What you don't maybe know is that if someone got hired and then tested positive for a substance, they'd be offered treatment,  drug treating is a covered benefit at fed ex.  


just say it: Medicare for All
by anna shane on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 02:34:03 PM EST

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee. (2.00 / 7)

A) I think you need to read his diary more carefully - he's not applying for a job at fedex.

B) Alcohol kills more people than any of those drugs . So, by your logic, they shouldn't let anyone who touches alcohol have a job there, either. Should they test for alcohol use? Why test for things that are less dangerous than alcohol without testing for that too?

C) There is virtually no bank robber who isn't on meth or heroin and it's usually meth. - Logical fallacies do not bolster your argument.

I say good for Bob - I've never had to take a drug test, and hope I'll be in a position to refuse when the time comes.


by dirtyhippie on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 04:13:27 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee. (none / 0)

they do, if someone comes in chronically late or smells of alcohol, they do.  Or doesn't show at work. The point is that they aren't fired, and if a company has a random drug testing policy and a new hire gets sober long enough to get the job, and later tests positive, then they get treatment. One man's freedom is a lot of people's downfall.  It's like gun control laws, it's a safety issue.  No one is forced, anyone is free to work elsewhere.  


just say it: Medicare for All
by anna shane on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 04:52:05 PM EST
[ Parent ]

"no one is forced..." (2.00 / 3)

So by this argument, what else is legit for a workplace to test? require?

That you don't smoke? (not good for the health-plan)
Don't drink on your own time? Don't do anything the owner might find morally objectionable?

It is invasion of privacy and there is a reason police for instance can't ask you to "pee in a cup" without a reason.


by lolo08 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 05:29:24 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "no one is forced..." (none / 0)

i understand the argument, but I have to much first hand experience with the results. It's a public safety issue. In white collar jobs where there is no safety factor drug tests are seldom required.  Sometimes they're required if the business is transportation, and the management also must comply.  

How about the anesthesiologist who steals opiates and under medicates the patient?  Or the nurse that steals patients opiates.

There are many laws that protect the confidentiality of drug users when they are in treatment.  There are many ways to get into treatment.  

Marijuana use is caught up in the more serous drug abuse as far as testing, but that's a reason to reform marijuana laws, not a reason to let public safety get ignored for the sake of individual rights.  

If you don't want to be drug tested for principle and not because you smoke weed, think about the greater good. If you want to smoke weed and not get harassed, then find a job that doesn't drug test.  


just say it: Medicare for All
by anna shane on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 08:31:52 PM EST
[ Parent ]

it's not a public safety issue (2.00 / 3)

it's a liability issue.  FedEx doesn't give a damn about public safety.


by JJE on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 08:44:24 PM EST
[ Parent ]

To clarify, (2.00 / 2)

the job was with another medical device company. Fed ex was delivering the offer letter.


by Bob Sackamento on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 08:50:22 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Got it (2.00 / 3)

I was just following Anna on the FedEx tangent.


by JJE on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 08:53:31 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "no one is forced..." (2.00 / 4)

"...Or the nurse that steals patients opiates."

That happened to both me (appendectomy post-op) and my grandfather (dying).  We both had our morphine replaced with water.

Generally nurses are screened beforehand, but the problem with testing for opiates is that unless someone is on them ALL THE TIME the test probably isn't going to pick them up - they leave your system in a day or two.

Which is why the situation with pot is unique: because of the way it's stored, people are going to find out whether or not you've used it in the past month, which isn't related to work at all.  It's an invasion of privacy.

If you test positive for opiates, either you're currently being medicated and you'll have a doctor's note, it's a false positive, or you have a problem.  Marijuana is different because of how long it takes to leave your system.


When you start out making the "slippery slope" argument, where do you draw the line?
by Jess81 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 10:52:37 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "no one is forced..." (2.00 / 1)

yeah, it's hard to argue for testing, goes against my grain. but it's a real problem, what can be done?  

I don't think it's legal to test in a job where there isn't an expectation that performance will be affected by drug use, I think they have to show a compelling public reason.  


just say it: Medicare for All
by anna shane on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:47:21 PM EST
[ Parent ]

that is not true unfortunately (2.00 / 2)

generally employers can have any hiring or firing criteria they wish (except for race, sex, etc.)  

Some even can workers for smoking tobacco.


by JJE on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 03:13:50 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "no one is forced..." (2.00 / 3)

I had a false-positive for opiates at a doctor visit. I'd had a poppy seed muffin that morning and I told them about it, but they said it wouldn't show up in the test. Well, it showed up in the test. I came back the next day and it was clear.

It just goes to show how stupid and ineffectual the whole thing is. Can you imagine being fired because of a muffin?


by Spiffarino on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 03:11:53 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Your name isn't (2.00 / 2)

Elaine Benes is it?  Get off the yam-yam Spiffarino!


by JJE on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 03:16:34 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Your name isn't (none / 0)

I didn't believe it either, but it happened just the same. Whether it was the muffin, they got somebody else's bodily fluid, or maybe the lab rat went on a bender the night before and fucked it up. I'll never know.

What I know is I had a false positive for opiates. It's entirely possible I was one of Mr. Bayes' unfortunate 1%.


by Spiffarino on Thu Dec 04, 2008 at 12:45:55 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "no one is forced..." (2.00 / 3)

I always thought that was a myth.

Still, false positives are way more common than people think, just based on Bayes' theorum alone.


When you start out making the "slippery slope" argument, where do you draw the line?
by Jess81 on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 09:35:33 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "no one is forced..." (2.00 / 1)

wow, Bayes' Theorem mentioned in a myDD thread!  Impressive.

But, Bayes' theorem doesn't really show that false positives occur frequently--that's part of the input required in the theorem.  It just shows how much influence a false positive can have on a posterior probability (versus a prior probability).


by slynch on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 04:55:33 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "no one is forced..." (none / 0)

Well, lucky for me there wasn't a job (or maybe in some Orwellian future, jail time) riding on the result.


by Spiffarino on Thu Dec 04, 2008 at 12:48:14 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee. (2.00 / 4)

"they do, if someone comes in chronically late or smells of alcohol, they do.  Or doesn't show at work."

But now you're talking about issues that are directly applied to job performance.  People who are chronically late or don't show up for work for whatever reason are usually fired, because they are chronically late and don't show up for work.


When you start out making the "slippery slope" argument, where do you draw the line?
by Jess81 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 10:44:04 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee. (2.00 / 2)

yeah, I"m mixing two things, sorry. One if the reason to justify drug testing (and what drugs should be screened for) and the other is that some drug users would never have gotten sober if it weren't for random drug tests, and so they'd never have found out how great it is to be sober, or stopped the personal health consequence their abuse was taking.

Anyone who hardly ever uses anything has a lot to worry about.  Drug dependence is epidemic and I'm not talking about recreational using or social using that doesn't affect one's life, I mean the serious stuff.  Anything that makes it less everywhere it's such an obvious good, that it's hard to see it as not akin to gun control.  except I know it's also moralizing and everyone should in principle be able to do whatever with their lives.  And on the other hand kids starting meth at eleven or twelve didn't get much choice.  

I don't know, I guess it's too big an issue for me to wrap my mind around.  


just say it: Medicare for All
by anna shane on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:52:24 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (2.00 / 8)

Some of the biggest stoners I know are top notch surgeons.

Their is this misconception by people who should know better about those who use drugs.

It's ok to think that people who drink won't do that on the job but recreational drug users are fiends who put peoples lives at risk.

Maybe they should test for beer in your piss.

Why the double standard? It's ridiculous.

I say kudos to you Bob for sticking up to the hypocrisy of the man.


Yawn.
by spacemanspiff on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 04:39:37 PM EST

Bob, I beg you. (2.00 / 4)

Stop now, before it's too late.  You don't want to end up like THIS POOR SOUL.


by Dumbo on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:09:38 PM EST

Re: Bob, I beg you. (2.00 / 4)

haha.  Everytime I see that guy the phrase "stripper's tits" pops into my head.

I didn't know that was common knowledge tho.  By the way, you know when people talk about their brushes with fame?  I'm going to start saying that I used to party with Kudlow.


When you start out making the "slippery slope" argument, where do you draw the line?
by Jess81 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:12:42 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Bob, I beg you. (2.00 / 3)

"Yeah, I used to party with Larry Kudlow, that guy on CNBC.  One time we both snorted some blow at the same time off a stripper's tits.  He took the right one, I took, the left one.  Larry cut his lip on her nipple ring and we all laughed so hard the powder went flying like it was Aspen."


by Dumbo on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 04:55:45 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Bob, I beg you. (2.00 / 4)

I'm too cool for that joke.  I used to party with Kudlow.


When you start out making the "slippery slope" argument, where do you draw the line?
by Jess81 on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 10:30:37 AM EST
[ Parent ]

I don't take any illegal drugs (2.00 / 4)

Not even pot. I don't pretend for one second to be a saint or a goody-two-shoes...it's just not my thing. To each his own I say.

However, I do take several prescription drugs and a urine test would reveal all of them, telling my employer far more than he needs to know about me.

I have worked steadily in the same job for nearly twenty years without any serious problems, and will continue to do so. My medical condition doesn't concern them nor should it. A urine test would be a gross invasion of medical privacy and, I believe, should constitute a HIPAA violation.


by Spiffarino on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 03:07:44 AM EST

Good for you! (2.00 / 5)

There really be a piss test for stupid instead.


I might be crazy... but are you seeing what I'm seeing?
by mydailydrunk on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 08:51:41 AM EST

Take a piss (none / 0)

and get the job. There are plenty of qualified applicants for just about every job in economic times like this.


by Mayor McCheese on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 10:58:20 AM EST

Apparently not... (2.00 / 2)

they've been aggressively trying to fill the position for over a year.


by Bob Sackamento on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 11:03:47 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Apparently not... (none / 0)

Maybe so, but I think things may have changed a bit over the course of the last year.


by Mayor McCheese on Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 11:04:24 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good luck finding someone to pee in your cup. (none / 0)

I have managed to go 30 years without wee-weeing for the man. I'm concerned about a lot: medical privacy, false positives, and just the obvious "we got you by the balls" leverage for which such tests can (and routinely are) put to use. I also find the idea stomach-churning disgusting, and unnecessary--even the hair tests.

When it comes to illegal "drugs" I've been no saint, but I've also had YEARS where I was completely "clean" (kinda like now). Doesn't matter a bit. I WON'T FUCKING DO IT! And I've honesty felt like punching those clueless who have dared to suggest it must be due to having drugs in my system. I know that's excessive: they're usually young and don't know any better.

I understand that this type of groupthink is all too common these days. But, even taking into account those who certainly ARE doing drugs, it's a dumb conclusion.

There are numerous ways to "beat" the tests. I've known countless people who have done exactly that. Some of them were great employees. Some of them were, well, there. The point being, in few if any instances did the tests keep the "druggies" out, and in no instance was this failure to catch them any predictor of how chemically enhanced they would show up at work, or how safely, efficiently or accurately they would perform their tasks.

The one group of people such tests are sure to catch are people like Bob and me. People who just say "NO!" Who just won't do it.

Private contracts, the more Libertarian might say? Tell that to the Arizona State Legislature, which has made legally impossible to sue employees anytime refusal to take a test was the cause of not hiring or firing an employee.

In 1972, Dr. George Lundberg, a future editor of the Journal of the American Medical Association, presciently labeled the nascent practice "chemical McCarthyism." Fifteen years later, he reaffirmed his view that it was "still chemical McCarthyism."

And he was right.


by AZZIppy on Tue Dec 02, 2008 at 08:53:03 PM EST


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