Rahm Emanuel is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Rahm Emanuel out. It failed miserably.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Rahm Emanuel has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Rahm Emanuel has not had to pay taxes, ever.
# The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Rahm Emanuel invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Rahm Emanuel can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Rahm Emanuel allows to live.
Rahm Emanuel once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Rahm Emanuel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Rahm Emanuel played in second grade.
Rahm Emanuel once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
This of course was adapted from here.
It takes a REAL GENIUS to nearly kill themselves by cutting their finger...At ARBY'S no less!
And this man is in control of our fate? GOD HELP US!
haha. Now I remember reading that. Who the fuck cuts a finger off at Arby's?
Okay, Tester slices his off on a farm with real cattle, but Rahm cuts his one finger off slicing pre-fab rubber "beef."
Wow.
And to top that off, his pediatrician father prolly had a drawer full of antibiotics somewhere in the house that he could have taken...If he were not as bullheaded as the OTHER North Shore Dummy (Rumsfeld).
Air needs Rahm to live.
emannuel rahm was the biggest baby ever born to the world! he was too big to fit inside the house, so his father built him a cradle to put in the water. as baby emannuel slept in the water cradle, his father followed alongside it in a boat so he could keep an eye on him. when baby emannuel began to snore, his father thought the noise was coming from an approaching thunderstorm!
rahm's birth was strange, as are the births of many mythic heroes, as it took seventeen storks to carry the infant (ordinarily, one stork could carry several babies and drop them off at their parents' home). emannuel and blue dug the grand canyon by dragging his axe behind him, and created mount hood by piling rocks on top of their campfire to put it out.
when emannuel rahm grew up, he decided to become a political operative, because he could fell an entire election with one swing of his axe. the other political operatives were glad for his help, since he made their work so much easier. they did have to feed him an awful lot, though. emannuel rahm loved to eat, especially pancakes. one day, a woman came into the dscc and asked the cook, "why are those logs over there piled up to the ceiling?"
"those aren't logs," the cook replied. "those are sausages for emannuel rahm."
one day, during a heavy snowstorm, emannuel rahm was out walking and bumped into a mountain. when he looked down, he saw two blue ears sticking out of the snow. he yanked on the ears and pulled up a baby senator. he decided to keep the senator and took it home with him. the next day, the snow had melted and emannuel rahm saw that the baby senator had eaten three entire fields of hay! this was going to be one big senator, for sure. emannuel rahm called the senator "chuck schumer" and the two of them became fast friends.
well, chuck got so big that when he and emannuel rahm walked around minnesota, they formed ten thousand lakes with their footprints. minnesota has been known ever since as the 'land of ten thousand lakes.'
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