MyDD :: Comments Rahm Won Everything

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* "Rahm Emanuel is the father of every kid in this town!"
* "His poop is considered currency in Argentina."
* "I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury."
* "Did I ever tell you about the time Emanuel took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Emanuel takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half -- until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Emanuel yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
* "He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
* "He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! ...And he hated irony!"
* "The story of Johnny Appleseed is based on Emanuel... except for the part about planting apple trees... and not raping men."
* "He did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies."
* "He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
* "He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson."
* "Did I ever tell you about the time Emanuel went hunting? Emanuel decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle."
* "I remember one time, Emanuel took his family to SeaWorld...They were watching Shamu the whale and Emanuel got splashed. So Emanuel yells, 'I'm Rahm Emanuel and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'Now how do you like it?' And then damn if Emanuel didn't step in there and finish the show."
* "We once had a bachelor party for Emanuel. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
* "Emanuel's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong."
* "Emanuel named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that."
* "If you drop a phonograph needle on Emanuel's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."
* "Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Emanuel said it would've happened sometime."
* "He breastfeeds John Madden!"
* "He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
* "He slept with all of our wives, punched us in the face, and we loved him for it."
* "He sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

by Neogaidaros on Mon Nov 13, 2006 at 12:19:24 PM EST